Saturday, January 24, 2009

Single Men and Women in the Lake Chapala Area

I am single. I have been single since 1991. I understand the problems of being single; doing things alone, making all the decisions and meeting other single people. I like to joke with my friends about being single. I say, The biggest advantage of being married is that you can always blame your partner for bad decisions. There is no one else to blame if you are single.

The statistics are not good if you are an older single woman. I am talking about meeting a man, nothing else. There are so many older single women than men. partly because of wars killing men off and men don't live as long as women and many older men prefer younger women.

When I first arrived in Guadalajara I met an American man my age going through customs. He joked about what he and his friends called, The Casserole Women. He said if a man's wife dies here within a short time a line of single American women show up at his door with casseroles.

I went to a class yesterday and there was one man, a very nice looking, intelligent, single American man teaching it and eight or so women, one other man.... There is a lot of competition here for men.

Sometimes it seems to me that the older the man, the younger the woman he wants. Mexico is a great place for single, older men. There are many single Mexican women here. The older man, even one twenty to thirty years older, looks good to them. The men have retirements and houses. They offer much security. And of course, now that the older man has Viagra, he is ready. I hate Viagra! Why can't old men just age naturally??? Why can't they just enjoy women their own age? I have met several men my age and much older who ended up marrying their much younger maids, twenty and thirty years younger. Sometimes the marriages work out and at other times they are disasters.

I think it would be easier for me to meet a Mexican man and have a relationship. Just give up on American men my age. Forget about them as they chase after the young Mexican women. Several Mexican men in their forties have made passes at me. I haven't responded. I see the pattern though. If I want to have a relationship with a man, I should look to the younger men just as the men do with women. For some reason much younger men aren't so threatened by an older woman. I wonder about this fact. Maybe it is because the older men are trying to recapture their younger selves and they see a young woman as doing that for them.

Some of the problems I have seen with older American men getting involved with the young Mexican women are; The younger woman immediately moves in her family, grown children and their children, if they are old enough to have grown children. The grandparents are on that list too. Families have to take care of the older generation. The Mexican government doesn't. If they are much younger women, then they will have young children to move in with them.

The American man is expected to pay for all these new people in his life. And there is always some emergency that he needs to pay for, such as a hospital bill, new toy for a grandchild, bail bond money for the wife's brother, coming out party for the wife's fifteen year old granddaughter, on and on....The list is endless. Or there is an ex husband standing in the wings, wanting to beat him up for taking his woman. How about that handsome younger gardener, the wife's age? He doesn't need Viagra and he has his eye on the wife. No wrinkles either. And the younger woman is of a different generation and culture and they don't have much in common. Or she is much too demanding for him, even with the help of the magic pill. I could go on and on with this list. I have heard many sad stories from men my age, crying about their fates. Sorry, I don't have much sympathy for them because they have so callously overlooked me.

On the other side, there is such a thing as Machismo. That is why I steer clear of Mexican men, even young handsome ones. Machismo requires that the man is in charge. I have been single too long to put up with that nonsense. Even though I joke about wanting someone else to take the blame for bad decisions, I really don't want that. So I am alone..... I have many single friends, men and women. I do things with them and I am happy for now with this arrangement.

These are my own prejudices and experiences. They don't always hold true. I have seen some very happy marriages between American men and Mexican women. Not a lot between American women and Mexican men. I would like my observations to be wrong. Sorry if I have offended anyone.

From time to time I am going to post photos of the single people I know here, men and women, Mexican and American. If you come to this area you might introduce yourself to them. Most single people here are open and friendly. We like to meet new people. Sometimes it is hard to be single in a married world.

20 comments:

  1. hey i just checked your blog check out my blog for online dating meet personal girl women men check www.marrymee.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here is a bolg someone sent to me after reading my post on the problems of being single.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I vacationed once in Lake Chapala, probably 25 years ago obviously as a much younger man. But now that I am 63 like many Americans I am faced with looking for an alternative place to retire other than my home (Seattle) since I will not be able to afford to live here as a non-working person. I have been single my entire life, self aware of how elfish that may seem, but I enjoy being single and making all of my own decisions. Personally I am convinced that there are many people who are ill suited to being married. That said I enjoy the company of all kinds of people, men /woman, all races, gay/ straight, conservative /liberal (well that one is probably a bit of a stretch since I consider myself a progressive). Can one have a varied and satisfying single life in the Lake Chapala area without being "on the prowl" and in the "not available" category or is it primarily the exclusive domain of old married couples that only associate with "old married couples"?

    ReplyDelete
  4. hi NorthBeachBum, Thank you for your interesting comment. There are many single people here, mostly women. You will just have to let these single women know right from the get go what you are all about. People respect honesty. But is it a bad thing to be seen as "special" just because you are one of the rare single men here? I don't know. I think it all depends on what kind of vibes you put out to the world. (Leave me alone? Or I just want to be friends? Or I am looking for someone?) No, this isn't just a place for old married couples. Lots of much younger people are moving here too. People in their thirties and forties..... I hope that helps answer your question. p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your response. I agree people put out a vibe 'available and looking" or "not looking but want to make friends". Fortunately I had parents that taught me to choose my friends for the people that I perceive them to be first and all other considerations second. I would hope to be able to have a mix of friends both men and woman as I am not one prone to just wanting guy talk with fellow grumpy old men. I also like to dance and would enjoy involvement in some communal activities and charitable organizations. I would also hope that it is possible to make friends with the natives as I have a great fear of winding up in an expat community isolated from the native population and culture. In a previous life I could afford to travel and have been to various places in Mexico and always liked most of the Mexicans I encountered.

      Do you have a good grip on what it presently costs to live a modest life style in Lake Chapala as I will be pretty much dependent on Social Security and a small savings. I am a person with a simple lifestyle and am not a shopper or accumulator of stuff, more a rolling stone type. My biggest high would be the wonderful climate and a new adventure.

      Thanks again.

      Delete
  5. Hi NorthBeachBum, Thanks for writing again. It is so hard to tell you how expensive it will be here for you because I don't know what you do in your life. If you don't go out to expensive bars or restaurants then your next major expense will be housing. You can get a place for three hundred dollars if you look carefully or go as high as you like. Food is inexpensive unless you are buying imported things in Super Lake. I spend about 800 dollars a month but I have a very cheap rental and don't go out often.... Hope this helps. I think just about anything you want or any life style you want is here.....p

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am currently in Chiang Mai, Thailand and the old guy young woman match ups here are many. I think it just highlights what occurs around the world, provider gets a housekeeper and sex. Woman gets financial security. As long as everyone is happy I do not see a problem, but truth be told these relationships end badly much of the time. Hope to see you in Mexico in 2013 ��

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for commenting. It is interesting for me because I was just writing to a friend about visiting there. We also wrote about the older men, younger women thing that happens there and here. P

      Delete
    2. Hey, it has been a year and half since my last post! Did you make it to Asia? Amazing but challenging place to live due to extreme cultural shock and language barriers. Are you still in Lake Chapala and loving it? I am hoping to make it there this year. My biggest doubt about LC is the cost of everything seems to be high there. Regards

      Delete
    3. HI James, No I never made it back to Asia. Just been here or to Portland. I still love it although now I am embroiled in an argument over my road being locked up.... Otherwise, it is great. Yes, getting expensive too. p

      Delete
  7. Hey there, Patricia!
    I am a single woman living near Portland, OR. Retiring early in three years, getting really tired of RAIN. I've been seriously toying with the idea of moving to Lake Chapala to see how I like it. While doing tons of research online, I ran across your site. For sure Chapala isn't the place to move to find a man, but for women over about 45, there probably isn't a place. Men, due to their "visual orientation" like fresh, smooth, young skin--and that's a fact we aren't going to get around. But, I haven't found any men anywhere my age to be prizes I want--so not a problem. If I move it's for the great weather and a new life that starts at retirement from over 20 years in law enforcement. Not living in the constant drizzle, under gray skies nine months of the year is very tempting. I'm an avid gardener and the thought of growing things year round is complelling too. Being able to walk my German Shepherd in a warm climate and hike or take walks that don't involve "bundling up" and wearing boots sounds wonderful:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for commenting. My family lives in Portland. I only like going there midsummer. Come on down here. It is beautiful. p

      Delete
    2. My wife and I live near Portland as well, and we are also tired of the long gray winter with endless drizzle. We came here 30 years ago and agreed we'd probably only last for 5 or so, but we are still here. So the idea of moving to Lakeside is very appealing, sunny skies all winter long, and especially if we can have a small garden and grow some flowers and vegetables. Perhaps we'll meet you on the malecon as you walk your dog! Good luck!

      Jack&Virginia

      Delete
    3. Hi Jack and Virginia, I don't walk Chico on the malecon. I am not that close to it. But e mail me when you get here so we can arrange to meet. P

      Delete
  8. hi patricia I am going to move there with my 12 year old daughter. how's the schools?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think the schools are up to the USA standards. But I don't know much about them since I don't have children. Thanks for writing. p

      Delete
  9. Hey Patricia I'm a devorced single guy(age 42) possibly looking to move to lake chapala. Is this a place for middle aged men to possibly meet a life partner again? I've been single for 11 yrs on purpose just because I've enjoyed being single but i feel it's time to meet someone to spend the rest of my life with.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi Glen, Thank you for writing. I know several single expat women in the their forties living here. There are many single Mexican women. But generally, this place is packed with older people because they have independent incomes. Not much work here. Would that be a problem for you? Come and visit. Let me know when you come down and we can meet up. p

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi, I live in Bali, Indonesia and the problem of older men with younger Balinese is very prevelant here. I am looking to move elsewhere but it seems it's a worldwide problem. Not necessarily on a "man hunt" but hey it would be nice to not feel "invisible" to men......just a flirt even would be nice. I love socialising, going out and listening to live bands and having a wine, or two!. It seems retirement options are better for couples than singles as some lovely places to retire in the countryside but not enough "life" for me. Maybe I am best to stay where I am. Great article though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for writing. I have always wanted to go to Bali but never made it. Sounds like you have the same problems there as here. There are very few single men here and they mostly like younger women or maybe the wealthy older women. Come and visit sometime. p

      Delete