Thursday, January 16, 2020

Morning thoughts

I am sick with yet another cold. Staying home. Bored and angry. Angry at myself for getting another cold. Stupid, I know, but there is no one else to blame. I also fell down about ten days ago while walking on a dirt path. I bruised a rib. That has been painful and the cold added to this pain makes me even angrier.

I don't know anyone who has lived here longer than a few months who has not fallen down. These cobblestone streets and uneven sidewalks make it difficult to always stay upright. So why the anger at myself for falling down, and for the cold? Maybe it is really fear underlying the anger. Fear of old age and vulnerability.

I have been inspired by internet articles about elderly men and women who never seem to age. A woman in her mid seventies (my age) who swims in competitions, a hundred year old man, an ex ballet dancer who still teaches dancing at colleges......  I could go on, but I am sure everyone knows other inspiring stories.

These people were in the news because they are the exception to the rule. The rule is that we all get old and become more fragile, more vulnerable. We get sick easier. Our bones break easier. Our minds aren't as sharp. We wrinkle.

Maybe my anger comes from having to admit that I am just a normal person. I have no super powers that protect me from growing old. I hate to admit that I am vulnerable. And may one day need help just to get through my day. I hope that doesn't happen. I hope I will be able to take care of myself as long as I am alive.

I am glad I live in a place where life is easier to manage. Now, I just need to forgive myself for falling down and getting another cold. It is okay to be vulnerable!

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

one more thing......

For some reason, the comments are once again being spammed. I just happened to have been scrolling through the spam file and I saw them. I was wondering why no one wrote to me. I will try to remember to check the spam because I don't know how to fix this problem. Also, e mail me at

Morning thoughts

Yesterday was Three King's Day, the last of the Christmas holidays. This season lasts about a month for Mexicans. All the fireworks and loud music were enough to put me into a depression. So I tried distracting myself  by decluttering and cleaning my apartment. I haven't been posting much because I don't like to be negative here. It usually backfires on me tenfold. So it is better to write nothing than inflict my depression on others. Depression is a difficult emotion for others to deal with, let alone for the person who is depressed. But I am better now.

Yesterday I found out from my water man that the reason it is so noisy at my place is because of my neighbors directly behind me. They live in a narrow strip of land between my back yard and the house facing the other street. I would say it is no wider than twenty feet and no longer than sixty feet. He said that there are five families living in that space. It is too small for a house. Just four small shacks stacked on top of each other for sleeping. They basically live outside, so close it is like being in my yard. Twenty people, five families, including five screaming, pan banging, children. Plus I don't know how many dogs and they just added a crowing rooster.

You might be thinking that I should have some compassion for them but that has all been used up by them constantly screaming at each other, playing their music full blast day and night and I already mentioned the children banging on pans. And they shoot off loud fireworks just about every day, for hours at a time. Again, the rooster crows. The dogs bark. The fireworks pierce the air. The mothers scream at their children. The children scream at each other.

I need to have some compassion for myself and find another place to live. The water man told me that they own that strip of land. So they aren't going to be moving. All of this sent me into a big depression. It is so difficult for me to move with my animals and all my furniture. But decluttering maybe will help if I can find another rental. It is discouraging because they are expensive these days.

I looked for noise cancelling earphones. None that work are sold in this area. So here I am, writing about the things that caused my depression when I thought I was over it. I guess I will publish this anyway. We all know that life isn't always roses, even in "paradise".

Monday, December 30, 2019

Morning thoughts

I haven't been writing because of the holidays. They depress me. The hardest part of living in Mexico, for me, is being so far from my family. I have a son and daughter-in-law in Kansas. Talking for a few minutes on the phone just doesn't cut it. I don't have grandchildren or it would even be more difficult. Being away from family, and especially grandchildren is the biggest reason women go back to the USA to live. I have seen it many times.

The second hardest part for me is all the noise. We have a lull for a few days and I have been able to catch some sleep. But it will start up again now for the New Year's celebrations. On Christmas Eve, I thought a live band was playing in my neighborhood. I was awake until four in the morning. Finally, I stuck my head out the door to look for it. Two doors from my house was a bonfire in the street and three very drunk Mexican men were sitting on the sidewalk with their music blasting from the house.

During these holidays, many Mexicans celebrate the same way. And they leave ashes and burnt wood on the streets. Around six in the morning it was finally quiet. I fantasized about going to their house and blasting music in their windows so they couldn't sleep. But I did nothing. This is their country, not mine. And the holidays always remind me that I am a stranger here. An immigrant.

All the fireworks and noise made me start thinking about San Antonio Days. Last year it was twelve days of music, day and night. I found out that it starts June 13th this coming year. I have to be out of here for those days. Anyone out there wanting to hear some loud Mexican music and stay here and take care of Chico and Olive? Let me know if you do. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!