Creativity and the Feeling of Loss

I am almost to the 1000 mark on my blog posts. I have finally decided what to do....  I am going to create another slide show.  I am now going through my photos, starting with when I bought the new camera and picking out my favorite ones. This is a huge undertaking for me because I like so many of them.  (Not that I am such a good photographer but I have great subjects.) Last time I made a slide show I hurt my shoulder and it has been sore every since. That was almost a year ago. This time I am going to try to take this project a little at a time so I don't have another year of shoulder pain. Doing an art project isn't worth a year of physical problems. But I am an all or nothing kind of person. I guess you would say that I am an obsessive/compulsive when it comes to things like this. I will sit at the computer and work on it for days at a time, only stopping to take care of my physical needs. This is not the right way to go about saving my shoulder.

 It is a restless group in town now. People are coming in and finding apartments and houses. Other people are fighting with their landlords and moving on to new places. There is such a feeling of energy in the streets. When I look back on all my photos I realize that I have been missing the contact with the lake. Since there is no beach I haven't been spending any time there.  I have been too much in the human world and not enough in nature. That takes a toll on me. I become disconnected from my center and what is important to me. I get all caught up in personal relationships and problems. Sucked in, like a vortex that takes away my soul.

I am an introvert.  If I don't connect to nature, I become depressed and then I become too involved with people and then I get physically sick. That is what has been happening with me the past few days. Getting sick. So spending the afternoon looking at all my sunset photos and bird photos reconnected me to what is important in my life and what I have been missing lately.  It may take me a few weeks to finish this slide show but I will post it when that happens.

Endings always make me anxious. The thousand posting milestone that is coming up feels like a little death. It makes me question if I want to continue with it or move on to something new. And thoughts of new things always scare me.  Maybe it is a little bit like the depression that comes after having a baby. Nine months of anticipation and then the baby is born. There is a sense of fulfillment and emptiness at the same time. Maybe that is just the nature of doing anything creative. Things ebb and flow, just like the people around me at the moment. People searching for their PLACES. And I too wonder, where is my place........ What is my purpose......