Monday, September 28, 2015
I am moving tomorrow. I hope to get it all done in one day but I have accumulated a lot of stuff in eight years. I came down with two suitcases. Now I have three rooms full of furniture and boxes and boxes of things. Useless things but still........ Being surrounded by these useless things helps me to feel secure. Sameness in the midst of constant change. I know it is a shallow security but it helps me to maintain from day to day. Until I have to move! Then it all becomes a burden.
I only slept two hours last night. Tossing and turning. Thinking about having to take all this furniture and boxes down with ropes from the upstairs decks. They came up that way because there is a very narrow turn in the stairs and nothing large will fit through. I fell down that turn a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully my knee will heal with time. It is much better today. I have to not do too much in this move. That is hard for me. I always want to get in there and help.
I woke up this morning being very angry at the maid who talked my landlord into getting rid of me and the morning maid. We have been with him for eight years. She even got paid to do all that talking. But I know that being angry at her is just hurting me. She did what she had to do to survive. She has an entire family dependent on her. This is her way out. Her thoughts do not include how she has disrupted our lives. But anger isn't a rational emotion. It just comes, like a tidal wave. And then it goes.
I am guessing that I will be much happier living alone in my own place. And with a kitchen. It is hard to imagine having a kitchen after eight years of washing dishes in my tiny bathroom sinks. And my own garden just outside of my bedroom. And only one block to the bus. No more trudging up this hill. And Chico will be able to take walks with me again because it is closer for me to come and go.
So I need to just get on with the huge task at hand and forget about my emotions or else I will have yet another sleepless night ahead. Thank you all for your encouragement.