Friday, September 18, 2015
Morning Thoughts---Plane Going Down
I am limping along here, waiting for my new place to be ready so I can move. In the meantime, I have a room piled high with boxes, ready to be filled up. That is my goal for the next three days, get everything packed that I don't use everyday.
I am looking forward to having privacy. My own little patio. And being able to walk one block to my favorite shopping center, Bugambilla Plaza. And having a real kitchen after all these years of washing my dishes in the bathroom sink and carrying things back and forth.
Of course I have concerns, like not enough light in the rooms and if Chico will bark his head off and bother the landlady. She will be living above me. And if it will be cold inside in the winter. I am trying to hold off my fears and concerns and just focus on the relief of being out of this very uncomfortable and toxic environment. The new maid and her family are taking over. It has become too noisy and my privacy, what privacy I had, is gone. I am moving as soon as the other place is ready.
For many months here I have watched my landlord going downhill mentally and physically. I had thought about moving out but then I decided against leaving him. I have been living near him for at least eight, maybe nine years. We have been through a lot together and I had thought that there was respect and concern for each other´s well being. I felt too guilty for thinking of abandoning him. I was willing to stay till the end...... My end or his end.
I had seen this as my home in every sense of that word because of the warmth and caring I had thought was between us. Now I just see rooms. Rooms filled with junk to pack and move. All sense of this being my home is gone. Home is where you feel loved and where you love. It is not here anymore. It most likely never was coming from my landlord, given that he so easily threw me out of his life. It was all illusion on my side. I will not be so trusting in the future.
So this eviction is a blessing for me. I will not have to watch him getting worse. I will not have to deal with any problems if he passed away and I was living by him. I will not have to deal with guilt for abandoning him. He abandoned me......
So, what do we owe other people? One thought that comes to my mind is the lecture we are given when we are on airplanes about what to do if the plane goes down. They say, You have to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF FIRST, and then the child or person sitting next to you. You can´t save anyone else if you don't save yourself!
Not that my landlord's plane is going down. Okay, it might when his new living situation takes affect. But I will be free, living my own life. (I won´t have to watch it crash and burn.)
After all these years, he finally gave me Chico. Another blessing..... Thank you all for your loving support and suggestions. You have no idea of how much that meant to me.