Friday, September 11, 2015
More Morning Thoughts
I have been getting up too early lately. Yesterday it was three a.m. This morning it was five thirty a.m. Too upset to sleep much. I have never been evicted before. And having it happen so suddenly and without warning from a man whom I had thought was a reliable and a trusted friend, well that was an even greater shock. Now we are enemies and do not speak to each other. And for a few more weeks I still have to walk through his house to get up to mine. Awful and sad, after all we have been through together.... Eight years.
Now I see so many mistakes that I have made along the way. One mistake was to have expected that things would have gone on forever, or at least as long as I had wanted. I had thought that if I were reliable and stable myself, I would be rewarded with stability in the world. Another was to have focused on the little, unimportant things too much, like collecting things to make my life more comfortable or fun. Now I am overwhelmed with all these little things. Things everywhere and no boxes to put them in and no place to put the boxes, even if I had them. All those trips to the States, going to yard sales and second hand stores and lugging heavy suitcases through airports.... I was under the false illusion that if I had everything I needed, I would be secure. But things don't make life secure. Eventually they just make a burden and a prison for the owner of all these things.
I will not say that having the cat and dog were a mistake. They were my joy, my family, my comfort during those years of living in that grim casita and upstairs in one room and now here. (I loved living here even though I still didn't have a kitchen.)
I feel such grief at having to leave Chico and Olive. Since I have no stability, it isn't fair to them to try to drag them around with me. And because of my bad knee, it wouldn't even be possible to do that. Chico will have to continue living here with his real owner. The kitty will be taken care of by my dear friend, Leslie. She will be back in her old neighborhood where she was wild for many years. (The cat, not Leslie.)
Maybe in the future they will return to me but it is doubtful given that my landlord is so angry at me and being so mean to me about getting me out of here as quickly as possible. But maybe Chico will continue to be happy here. It is a safe place for him and he has lots of space. He also still loves his owner although his owner is too distracted to pay any attention to him.
There are two economies here. The Mexican economy and the Expat economy. Today I am going to look at a Mexican house with a Mexican price. Around a hundred dollars a month. My wonderful helper saw it yesterday and she is taking me there. I have no expectations. It is in an alley not far from my old neighborhood. No yard, most likely grim, a hovel. But before this place, my other two were also hovels. At least it is close to town and the bus line and restaurants. I can heal my knee there. And if nothing else, I can rent it for storage and possibly just sleeping. I can leave town and have a place to come back to and later on decide where I want to live.
I may still take a little trip to San Blas but after my knee is better and after I have made decisions about what to do or where to go. I would like to continue living here but maybe other plans are in the works for me, plans that I don't know about. Exciting new plans full of meeting new people and seeing new places.
I get too complacent. I like my daily routines too much. I want security and comfort and to be surrounded by my pretty and useful things. I have been hiding out for many years in this lifestyle. Now I am forced to change my ways. I do not want to just go out and rent a high priced ugly furniture, no welcome for animals place with a lease. I want to keep things loose and my options open for awhile and see where life leads me. See what it is like to live on the Mexican side of the fence, in their world. (Now I will be forced to learn Spanish.)
Maybe I will want to bus around Mexico or stay at one of the beautiful beaches or maybe even fly to Thailand. I have no idea what my future holds. I need to have faith that I will be guided to doing the right thing for me.
I am sharing my life with all of you because so many people write to me and ask, What is it like to live in Mexico? Well, this is what it is like for ME to live in Mexico. We each have our own paths and they are as different as we are so I am wishing you well as you travel along on your path today and every other day. And I am grateful for so many of you, encouraging me along mine. Maybe that is all we can actually do for each other and maybe that is enough. More than enough. Thank you!
On this day I must remember, My life is not a tragedy. It is a gift. A tragedy was the World Trade Center!!!