Wednesday, August 29, 2012
More Morning Thoughts. The Pink Cloud Again
A few days ago I was privileged to spend some time with two newbies, Lizette and Debbie. I love seeing this area with people who are in that pink cloud. I have talked about my theory of the pink cloud several times on this blog. It is when things are new and exciting; like getting sober, falling in love, getting married, winning the lottery, getting out of the hospital after a painful stay, being able to walk again after breaking an ankle, moving to a new place, losing a lot of weight, buying something new, traveling to a beautiful place, Ajijic. You get the picture. The pink cloud of excitement. Sometimes it lasts for days and sometimes it lasts for months or even years. I have been here for almost five years and that pink cloud still comes and goes but mostly it isn't in my heart anymore. I am used to the beauty here. I am used to the wonderful people and the peace. I take it all for granted. That is the great thing about going away. When I return, that pink cloud comes back to me for awhile. I see it with new eyes.
I was thinking about that word, PEACE. And also thinking back to when I first came here and all the things that have changed in the few years in between then and now. One change is in me. I am older. I have more aches and pains. I can't get out and walk as much since breaking my ankle. When it is damp, all the places I have broken HURT. I am back to my Patricia self now. That is the self that is the deepest part of me. The one that isn't affected by the outside world so much. The one that came into this world and sees things from a particular point of view. My point of view.
There is also the outside world that has changed here. The violence. I am sure it has always been here but more underground. Not so much IN YOUR FACE as it is now. I just read about the recent violence in Guadalajara. If you are interested, you can pull it up online at the Guadalajara Reporter. These things have changed my feelings and also my behavior. I remember going to the water's edge and sitting there for a couple of hours with Chico. I took hundreds of photos of the sunset. ( So many that my son teased me by saying I should change the name of my blog to The Sunset Blog.) I don't do that now. I may go down there but I don't stay long because I don't feel as safe as I did then. I don't go out at night. I used to walk around town after dark. Not anymore. I am not nearly as trusting as I was a few years ago. This is sad. Being robbed also had something to do with this feeling of distrust.
People write to me and ask if it is safe here. I am guessing that it is as safe here as many other places in the world and safer than most large cities in any country. But this is a small town. The crimes that have recently happened here have been so horrible. Cut up bodies found in cars. Cars set on fire.
I still love this area. I am just a little jaded, due to my own aging and health problems and due to the actions of the drug cartels. I am going to have to not be so complacent and work more at regaining that sense of magic in my life. It is still here. I know it because I see it in the eyes of the newbies. I want that back again. I want to take more photos and write more on my blog.
I love this life. I hope that still shines through the photos and posts on my blog even though I am not putting on as much as I once did. I used to keep my camera on my wrist all the time I was out and about. Now, sometimes I don't take it or I keep it in my purse. I may see something I think is a perfect photo but I don't bother to take my camera out of my purse. That is a huge difference. I need to strap that camera back on my wrist. The wrist that was fractured a few years ago here when I slid across my wet lawn and slammed into the cement wall of my casita. Oh dear me. I am getting so old. It is a struggle to maintain the youthful excitement about life. I am going to try my best to do that.