The sun is already out. Summer has finally arrived in Portland. Everything is so beautiful here because of all the rain but I wouldn't want to live in it. I am starting to miss Mexico and my life there. But I still have until the 26th before I return. I will make the most of the time that is left up here. Visiting with my family is number one priority. I need their love right now.
I think I am suffering from survivor's guilt. I sometimes obsess over what I could have or should have done to have saved my ex husband. Or I think that I didn't care enough, love enough when he was alive. But I know what a waste of time all those thoughts are and that they are natural. We all experience them after a tragedy.
Everyday I feel grateful just to be alive. Losing a loved one brings to the surface the reality that we are all going to die one day. Everything passes...... Life is precious. A gift.
I thank my friend Gayle for taking me out on that boat ride and being so kind to me all day. And I thank everyone who wrote to me with their loving words. That means a lot to me. I feel like I have a large, invisible family out there. If not for myself, I owe it to my loved ones to go on with my life and enjoy it. Each precious gift of a day. I pray that my ex husband has finally found peace.
I also hope that I will be more loving to everyone I meet. Understanding that it may be the last or only opportunity I might have to give them what we all need while we are on this earth. Love and acceptance.