I spent most of today on my computer. It was an overcast and rainy day out there and I had no desire to walk around on those slippery cobblestones. I looked at the weather report and it will be sunny again in a day or two. So today was cooking, cleaning and computer time for me. Chico kept me company but he was running in and out all day because his owner, my landlord, just returned from a month in Canada. Poor Chico. His affections were divided today.
Last month I finally signed up for Netflix. After watching the entire eight seasons of Desperate Housewives, I have started on the Ted Talks. These are interesting talks on many different subjects. So far, I have enjoyed them but I have to be careful not to go overboard like I did with Desperate Housewives where I watched an episode while eating breakfast, one while eating dinner or cleaning up my place and three in the evening before bed. I tend to do things like that. Like eating the same food for months at a time until I am so sick of it that I can't ever eat that food again. Moderation. That was never my strong point.
The Ted Talk that I recently watched was about making human connections. This talk was given by Brene Brown and it was titled The Power of Vulnerability. She said that without vulnerability there can be no true connection to others. And making connections was one of the most important things we do in life. Being vulnerable also means taking risks and overcoming our fears of rejection. It means that we must accept ourselves with all our imperfections and be willing to show them to others. If we can't accept ourselves, then we can't be vulnerable and we can't accept others either.
This is a hard one for me. I rarely put photos of myself on this blog. Because I don't like my photos. Sometimes when I look at them, instead of seeing me, I see my mother and my father. As if their faces have been layered and fused, like a mask over mine. It is disconcerting. Maybe I will have to work on loving them more so I can accept seeing them in my own face. Self acceptance is a lot of work.
So this evening I took some photos of myself to put on here. No reason to wait until I have lost weight. I may never be thin again. No reason to wait until I work out all my emotional stuff with my parents. That may never happen either. No reason to wait until I..... fill in the blanks. Just me as I am this evening....... Trying to work out this being vulnerable stuff. Life is a journey, not a destination. Or as they say in recovery programs; Progress, not perfection.