Morning thoughts

Another day of  lost time. What day is it? What is the date?  What is the month? It is all the same to me. I enjoyed receiving all the coronavirus cartoons and jokes that my friends sent me. One in particular. I can't remember the exact wording. The meaning was, after being just with my own company for several weeks,  I apologize to anyone who has had to spend time with me in the past.

I have been worried that my internet  would be cut off. Skype is my only way of calling out and the internet has been my constant companion all this time. The office where I pay was closed down for about a month. I had no idea of how to pay the bill. Today I checked online and it is open again. So I trudged up there in the heat. Excited that I wouldn't be disconnected. I got there early and had to wait outside behind five other people. When it came to be my turn to go inside, the young woman refused to let me go in. I was wearing a mask. Everyone else had gone in and I could see no reason that I was held there. Finally, I figured it out. She said that no one over sixty was allowed in the store.

I was devastated. How was I going to be able to pay my bill? Someone nearby suggested that I give the money and bill to the woman who was keeping me out. So I did and she paid it for me.  What a relief. As I left I was wondering how she knew I was over sixty with a mask covering most of my face. I guess old age is easy to spot.

Most of the stores were closed. People rarely greet me anymore, even when I greet them first. It is as if each person is encased in a private world, hoping to keep others out. Who knows, maybe the next stranger passing by will have the virus and pass it on to me. It is also hard to know what someone else is feeling behind a mask. Is he or she smiling or scowling at me? Maybe best to just withdraw into myself and pass on by quietly, not acknowledging the other person.

Now I am back home again. At least I know that I will have a communication system for awhile longer.

Morning thoughts

Another day stuck in the house. But I made more kombucha. This time with fresh mango inside. Today was another sourdough disaster. Instead of throwing away yet another batch of flour, I decided to try adding yeast to the mix. In other words, I cheated! But it worked immediately. I think is too hot to slice. I won't know until then if it is edible but it was nice to see it rise. I hated failing so many times.

A friend told me yesterday that his doctor said there are no coronavirus deaths in the Ajijic area. Not yet.  I hope this will hold out.

Morning thoughts

Yesterday was difficult. I was in the middle of making a batch of tapioca pudding when my electricity went out. That was around ten in the morning. It was out until midnight. It is really hot here now. I had no communication system because I depend on skype on my i pad. The book I was reading was also on the I pad. And my fans of course didn't work. It was a long day and night. I was afraid that the milk would have spoiled but it was okay this morning. I finished making the pudding.

I also made my very first glass of kombucha. I poured it over ice. Fresh blackberry and strawberry flavored. The first photo below shows the tall circular container that contains the mother.  I also made fresh mango kombucha which is in the second photo. It still needs to be blended and strained. This process has taken weeks. I started out without a skoby but I was able to make the batch and grow a scoby from a bottle of store bought kombucha. I won't try to explain what all this means. If you are interested, you can find it online.

My sourdough bread is another story. A complete failure.  But since I have nothing to do, I am trying again this morning.

I received a notice from a friend saying that if I go outside of my house, I will have to take my electric bill to show the police proving the truth I live in the neighborhood. I can only go out in an extreme emergency. No more walking the dog. No more grocery shopping. Otherwise, I will be fined or maybe thrown in jail? Jail seems doubtful.

Last night while wide awake in bed, in the heat and dark, I heard the police truck drive by. Flashing lights that went into my bedroom window, and a voice announcing that we were all supposed to stay in our houses. That we are in an extreme national emergency.

 Kombucha and sourdough bread don't seem so important compared to the situation here. But these things are keeping me from going into a deep depression. Maybe the world will never be the same after this. Maybe I won't survive it. And maybe I wouldn't want to live in a world where danger and death lurk everywhere and possibly on everyone.

Morning thoughts

For weeks I have been stuck in my house, enviously watching people from my balcony as they are going about their business and having parties in the evenings. It seemed so unfair. And last night I received a notice that Jalisco has made it a law that anyone sixty and over is not allowed to leave their houses for ANY reason. We will be fined by roaming policemen if they see us out of our cages. But the younger people can carry on as usual. As if they don't get or transfer this virus?

We were also told not to go to the hospital if we get sick. We were given a phone number to call and a doctor will come out to see us in our houses. Good luck with that. We could be dead before that doctor would arrive.

Morning thoughts

I will try to be upbeat this time. Difficult. One good thing. My refrigerator is fixed. The two repair men knocked on my door, came inside, wearing masks and gloves. They went to work chopping out the ice that had built up inside my frig, behind a panel. Charged me 800 pesos. And left. Great service. Great price. Working frig again. At least for now it works and I will know what to do the next time it fails. Just unplug it and let it sit for a couple of days until all the ice has melted onto the floor. How fun. It will give me something to do. Mop.

I am so old that now I am remembering of a song that was popular when I was a small child. Rag Mop. Does anyone else remember it? That may not be the name but those were the main words. This is my rag mop day. I am going to mop all my floors.

 What other day is it besides Rag Mop? I had to look that up. What day of the week is today? That question often shows up on my i pad search history. Often I have guessed it wrong. But who cares? They are all the same. Boring.

I had to leave the house a couple of days ago.  Or was it three days ago? Or four? More Lost time. To pay my electricity bill. My friend drove over with her dog. Our dogs are friends and they were beside themselves with excitement. Chico was barking and practically doing back flips when he heard her car horn. He always recognizes it. My friend, Carolina, told me that wal mart was making people wait outside in a long line. Only letting a few people in at once. And people were standing pretty close to each other in the line. (I can't see how that would have been safer. Wal mart is a huge store with lots of space between people.)

She took me to a small OXXO which is a chain grocery store. They took my payment. My electric bill was 245 pesos for two months. In American money, it is hardly enough to even bother translating. Less than fifteen dollars.
For months I haven't been out in the evenings. What surprised me was all the activity. So many people were walking around, alone and in groups. They were enjoying the cool night after another hot day. I realized that they were all young Mexicans! My friend and I were the only older expats. We got a few strange looks. They had taken back their country. Why were we out in it?

Now I get to worry that maybe I have been infected while outside. Another fun thing to keep me occupied. I can do my rag mop dance while worrying if I am going to die soon. I had better close this out because I am sinking into depressed thoughts. I had promised myself that I wouldn't do that again.

Morning thoughts

I did too much cooking and my refrigerator refused to work anymore. I am waiting for the repair man to show up but I think it is beyond repair. When I was house sitting, ten years ago, a woman I worked for kindly gave it to me. She had bought a new one. It was maybe ten years old at that time. The repair man has already fixed it once for me. This time I may have to give it up. I sure hope the repair man doesn't bring the coronavirus in with him.

It is terrible to live with fear. Either I take the risk of getting the virus or else I live without a working refrigerator. What a choice!  I am taking the risk. Food is too important to me.

Yesterday I looked at the thirty thousand photos I have on this I pad. I have another thirty thousand on a nonworking computer. So many parades, festivals, smiling people, restaurants, friends, etc. LIFE!

All gone now. And I don't know if it will ever return in my lifetime. Such freedom. So much love and happiness radiated out through those photos. I took it all for granted.

Last night I had one of those dreams where it feels completely real. I was looking for my mother. She had moved and I didn't know her address. I saw a child playing on a porch and I asked if he knew Virginia. He said, she lives here. He went inside and brought her out. She came to me and we were hugging and crying. She was so alive in this dream and she has been dead a long time now. I woke up crying, realizing that it was just a dream. She isn't alive. I can't hug her. Right now, I can't hug anyone. What a way to live. If this is going to be the new normal, I am not sure I will want to live.

Yes, I am depressed! I never realized before now how much it means to me to be with people and share celebrations and meals and love and hugs!

Apple cider vinegar

This is the Apple cider vinegar that I am making. I just strained out all the apples. It sat with the apples for several weeks. Now it has to sit another month. I hope it is Successful. Who says that I have nothing to do? I can watch apples turn into vinegar. Entertainment for another month!

My lunch

I am spending my days cooking. Or maybe I should use the word daze instead because I feel like I am in a daze most of the time. Well, most of this timelessness. Here is what I made for lunch. It is blanched fresh green beans cooked in sesame oil with garlic, onions, sesame and sunflower seeds. With extra firm tofu, covered with corn starch and fried with sesame seeds and sunflower seeds. I think it was a success. I have had a lot of failures recently, especially with trying to make sourdough bread. But this was good.

Morning thoughts

I haven't written on the blog lately. I can't say that I don't have the time. I have all kinds of time. Too much time to cook and clean and be depressed. I don't like to write when I am depressed but this will most likely last awhile. It is difficult to be alone all the time. Especially when I hear the Mexicans in my neighborhood going about their daily lives with no concern for the stay at home order.

It is hot here and the nights are hot. This is one of the biggest party times of the year for Mexicans. So they are spending a lot of time at night out on the sidewalk and having gatherings and parties. I hear it from my balcony. It makes me sad and I long to go out too.

 I remember when I was a little girl and my parents always made me come inside as soon as it got dark. We lived in Manteca where summer nights were hot like they are here now. I could hear the neighborhood children outside, running around and playing with each other. I had a deep longing to go out and play with them.   But no, I had to stay inside. Like now. Only this time it is a matter of life and death.

 I don't know why my parents wouldn't allow me to play outside after dark. We lived in a small town and a safe neighborhood.  I do know why I can't go outside now, day or night, but that still doesn't stop the longing to join the life out there. I just have to keep reminding myself that I may be saving my life by staying inside, even though, right now, life doesn't seem worth saving if I have to spend it indoors with just my own company. I am bored with myself.