Morning Thoughts

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am depressed. Have been depressed for days. Today I realized that I always get depressed around my birthday. It is a time when I put my life under a magnifying glass and I don't like what I see. I have become a recluse in my new home. Far from the Ajijic action.   But I am usually happy here. I am a loner. Too much activity overwhelms me, the introvert.  Birthdays are supposed to celebrate our lives. Today I don't feel like celebrating this introverted life that I have created. What do I want? Does anyone really know what would make his or her life happier, more fulfilling? 

I know I want to continue living in Mexico. Living in San Antonio fits my personality better than living in the midst of the tourist center of Ajijic. But  I don't have much to write about on my blog because my life here is very routine and ordinary. Things will change tomorrow. This is the beginning of the Independence Day celebrations. 

The rebozo parade is tomorrow evening in the Ajijic plaza. Next weekend is the Globos celebration. Many events are coming up in the next week.. I will be busy. Maybe being busy will take my mind off of this negative self reflection. Just realizing that being depressed is always a pattern with me around my birthday, helps to lighten it. Knowledge is power. I know this much about myself now and maybe it will help me move on to enjoy the upcoming events.

I will take lots of photos and write some articles for Access Lake Chapala. And maybe I will bring myself to write more on the blog. I don't like to bring negative things here so I often write nothing if I am in a bad space. Living in a paradise doesn't mean that things are perfect! We all still have to deal with our internal demons! Mine always raise their ugly heads around my birthday.