I will never forget when my son was a young boy, maybe three years old, it was Thanksgiving and I explained that it was a day to give thanks for the good in our lives. So he ran around the house putting little Thank You stickers on everything that he liked, including chasing after the dog. Of course the dog would have none of that nonsense. But it made me feel wonderful that he was so much into giving thanks. I hope he will always have that quality.
Those were hard times for us. Just as the past few months have been very hard on me.
I have been writing this blog for years and sometimes it is difficult to keep it going, especially when life turns bad. And I have noticed in my own life that good things or bad things always come close to the same time. The first bad thing was almost dying. I survived, thanks to the quick thinking of my landlord and my friends. After that experience I was no longer afraid of dying. Dying can be easy. I was just floating away into great peace. But living is much harder. The twelve thousand dollar bill wasn't so easy to accept. That is a year's living expenses for me here. But I am still alive. Something to be grateful for. What is money anyway when compared to being alive?
Almost immediately after that, came two deep betrayals of trust from people I love dearly. What do you have if you don't have trust? Not much.
And then my ex boyfriend died. I had been calling him every few days for a couple of years at that point and his silence now is so hard on me. Yet, I know that it is peaceful on the other side. And I KNOW he was miserable and always in pain. Blind and stuck in a wheel chair. It is for myself that I grieve, not for him. I believe that he is in a much better place.
And now, after all that stress, my hair is falling out. I may be completely bald soon. I had to have it cut off a few days ago and I still can't get used to having it so short. I have never had short hair. I am sure this hair falling out is because of the surgery and then all the stress on top of that. And hopefully, it will grow back. In the meantime, I don't know that person in the mirror. Chico still recognizes me. Olive too. But I am not feeling very social. I am spending Thanksgiving Day, today, at the spa, alone. Swimming and resting in the sunshine. And maybe while I am there I will write down all the things that I am grateful for in my own life. First one on the list is the fact that I am still alive! According to the doctors, it was touch and go there for a few days. Second on that list would be the friends who rushed over here and forced me to go to the hospital. They saved me.
I have not been very social for a few months. Too much bad stuff on my mind. And when I feel this way, it is really difficult to keep the blog alive. I always consider it a living thing that has to be fed from time to time. But when so many bad things happen, it is hard to write my truth on the blog.
I know that people read my blog because they want to know what it is like living in Mexico. Funny, last night I was looking online for the world's most dangerous places and they included Mexico in that list! What a shock. They should have included the United States with all the shootings that happen up there. So I started thinking more about danger. There is outside danger and there is inside danger. For me, the internal danger is harder to bare. And that can happen anywhere in the world. Like that old saying, No matter where you go, There you are.....
I am hoping to heal myself at the spa these next few months. And also I want to apologize to the people who have tried to reach out and meet me during this awful time of my life. I have not been very friendly. I just want to be alone and try to regain my strength. But I also appreciate the fact that people are still reading the blog and still writing to me and caring for me. I appreciate all those friendships and hopefully soon I will be back on track. Again, Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Here is how I look now. Like I said, Chico doesn't care. He always loves me. If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life, person or dog or cat or any other living being, who loves you unconditionally, put that at the top of your list of things to be thankful for today......