Morning Thoughts

 

I just took this photo of me and Olive. She likes to sit by me when I work at the computer. I don't know what I would do without Chico and Olive. I would be awfully lonely.  We are in the middle of the San Andreas festival. It lasts nine days and something is always going on those days.  Yesterday morning at five thirty a.m. A parade came by my window, with people on horses, people playing huge drums and trombones and people walking with candles. The animals were going crazy and good luck if you thought you were going to sleep in that Sunday morning. And of course the huge fireworks were going off too. My neighbor's dogs freak out and throw themselves against a huge wooden door and bark continuously. Oh no, HERE COMES ANOTHER PARADE...... at least this time they waited until eight thirty.   Chico and Olive are scurrying away to hide somewhere. 

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving, with some time set aside to think of all the good things in your lives and say Thank You for them...

I will never forget when my son was a young boy, maybe three years old, it was Thanksgiving and I explained that it was a day to give thanks for the good in our lives. So he ran around the house putting little Thank You stickers on everything that he liked, including chasing after the dog. Of course the dog would have none of that nonsense. But it made me feel wonderful that he was so much into giving thanks. I hope he will always have that quality.  

Those were hard times for us. Just as the past few months have been very hard on me. 

I have been writing this blog for years and sometimes it is difficult to keep it going, especially when life turns bad. And I have noticed in my own life that good things or bad things always come close to the same time. The first bad thing was almost dying. I survived, thanks to the quick thinking of my landlord and my friends. After that experience I was no longer afraid of dying. Dying can be easy. I was just floating  away into great peace. But living is much harder. The twelve thousand dollar bill wasn't so easy to accept. That is a year's living expenses for me here. But I am still alive. Something to be grateful for. What is money anyway when compared to being alive? 

Almost immediately after that, came two deep betrayals of trust from people I love dearly. What do you have if you don't have trust? Not much. 

And then my ex boyfriend died.  I had been calling him every few days for a couple of years at that point and his silence now is so hard on me. Yet, I know that it is peaceful on the other side. And I KNOW he was miserable and always in pain. Blind and stuck in a wheel chair.  It is for myself that I grieve, not for him. I believe that he is in a much better place. 

And now, after all that stress, my hair is falling out. I may be completely bald soon.  I had to have it cut off a few days ago and I still can't get used to having it so short. I have never had short hair. I am sure this hair falling out is because of the surgery and then all the stress on top of that. And hopefully, it will grow back. In the meantime, I don't know that person in the mirror. Chico still recognizes me.  Olive too.  But I am not feeling very social. I am spending Thanksgiving Day, today, at the spa, alone. Swimming and resting in the sunshine. And maybe while I am there I will write down all the things that I am grateful for in my own life. First one on the list is the fact that I am still alive!  According to the doctors, it was touch and go there for a few days. Second on that list would be the friends who rushed over here and forced me to go to the hospital. They saved me. 

I have not been very social for a few months. Too much bad stuff on my mind. And when I feel this way, it is really difficult to keep the blog alive. I always consider it a living thing that has to be fed from time to time. But when so many bad things happen, it is hard to write my truth on the blog. 

I know that people read my blog because they want to know what it is like living in Mexico. Funny, last night I was looking online for the world's most dangerous places and they included Mexico in that list! What a shock. They should have included the United States with all the shootings that happen up there. So I started thinking more about danger. There is outside danger and there is inside danger.  For me, the internal danger is harder to bare. And that can happen anywhere in the world.  Like that old saying, No matter where you go, There you are.....   

I am hoping to heal myself at the spa these next few months. And also I want to apologize to the people who have tried to reach out and meet me during this awful time of my life. I have not been very friendly.  I just want to be alone and try to regain my strength.  But I also appreciate the fact that people are still reading the blog and still writing to me and caring for me.  I appreciate all those friendships and hopefully soon I will be back on track. Again, Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Here is how I look now. Like I said, Chico doesn't care. He always loves me. If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life, person or dog or cat or any other living being, who loves you unconditionally, put that at the top of your list of things to be thankful for today......

 

 

My Buys from the Feria del Arte last weekend

  

Both the mask and the large pot were made by the Tarahumara Indians. The ones famous for running for miles without getting tired. They live in the Copper Canyon area. They are very poor and did not have enough money to come to the exhibit. A very nice Expat woman agreed to sell their things for them.  I fell in love with the mask and this pot. The mask cost me about five dollars and the pot was ten dollars. I think that is leather wrapped around it. I felt fortunate to have found things that I could afford at the show and so I wanted to share them with you.   They are sitting on my kitchen table. It is kind of hard to tell how large that pot is and when I was carrying it to the car I was sorry I had bought it because it is very very heavy. Now that it is home, I am glad to have it on my table.  If you want to see more wonderful and magical works of art, check out Accesslakechapala.com. At the top of the page there are different words. Next to the top right is the word blog. Check that one.....

Some photos from last weeks Feria del Arte

Here are just a few photos. It is always an interesting experience to see the beautiful works of art from all over Mexico. If you would like to see more, check out Accesslakechapala.com  go to blogs and you will see the article.

Brian Frayne

   Two summers ago I flew up to Sacramento and met my friend Brian, his care giver, Roy and Brian's dog, Lucky. We went in the bus from there to Reno and stayed a few days. I found out today that Brian passed away two days ago. I had been calling him for days but no answer. I knew Brian for over twenty five years. I talked with him every few days on the phone. I loved him. 

I was so grateful that he finally had a wonderful care giver. Roy was like an extension of him. And Lucky saved his life. Brian was always in pain. He was going to kill himself and someone (maybe it was Roy. I don't remember now) brought Lucky to him that day. It was the same day someone else was taking Lucky to the pound to be killed because no one wanted him. But he jumped out of the window of that car and into the car that was on it's way to Brian's house.

 That is why Brian named him Lucky. He used to run beside Brian's back wheels because he always wanted to be close to Brian. Please if you love someone, don't wait until it is too late. I am so glad Brian and I went to Reno and talked often, mostly about nothing. But we always ended the call with us both saying "I love you" .  Those three words were all that mattered....

Here is a photo of his caregiver Roy. Roy is the most unlikely looking caregiver. I thought for sure we were going to get kicked out of the casinos because Roy wore his jeans so low. But you can't tell anything by outward appearances. Roy was a real gem and Brian depended on him completely. 

 

 

We were quite a circus as we traveled together on the bus and wandered around the casinos. I will never forget that trip. My heart is filled with love whenever I think of it. Once we were kicked out of the casino buffet because Brian kept throwing food on the floor for Lucky. Some people became very offended by that and complained... We had to get out of the restaurant through the kitchen and back service elevator because they had no handicapped accommodations. 

Besides being in a wheel chair, Brian was also completely blind. He had the bends as a young man and finally ended up paralyzed from the waist down. I know he was always in pain.... I recently almost died and I know the peace death brings. So my grieving is really a selfish thing. I believe that  he is in a much better place than when he was alive and always suffering.... But we all did enjoy Reno..... Thank you again Roy for taking such good care of Brian. I will always appreciate that.

I wonder why when a person is depressed and at a lowest point, life throws another negative curve. There is no such thing as a lowest point. One can always go lower. I miss you so much Brian......

Morning Thoughts

I woke up this morning feeling depressed. Sometimes when bad things happen in my life, I spin out of control and go into a depression that lasts for several days. I know other people who act just the opposite. They go out in public and socialize. For me, I just stay home and clean my house..

 I cleaned out all my drawers and trimmed all the plants in my garden, mopped my floors, and did all the other chores that I always put off. It calms me to do these things, keeps my mind thinking of other things instead of what is depressing me and it is a win win situation. The next day, all my chores are done and my house looks beautiful and clean. And I feel better about myself because I did something constructive. And most of the time I barely noticed that I was working. I just cleaned to keep busy and not think.

I remember a friend of mine telling me that his friends in the United States always wrote to him asking about all the parties they thought  he was going to and how they envied him.  And then he said to me, "They don't realize that I am just living my life, as I did up there. I have to grocery shop, clean house, take care of my car. But my friends think that it is all just one big party here."

We live our lives as we always did, just in a different place. Sure, it is much prettier here. And life is slower and easier for us North Americans who now are getting 20 pesos to one dollar. But we still have to deal with the problems of daily living. I show you many beautiful photos of life here but I do not show you the poverty and sad faces of people who are struggling to survive. And I usually don't share with you all of the daily problems I have to solve.  

 I fear for what is going to happen to Mexico now that Trump is the president. Overnight the peso lost value and I am guessing it will lose even more as time goes on.

He has made some very frightening promises about what he will do if he becomes president. I was shocked this morning when I saw that he had won. We will have to wait and see if he actually puts those terrible promises into place. A WALL? That the Mexicans have to pay for?  I won't go into all the insane things he has said. You all have heard them by now.

But back to my depression. After seeing that Trump won the election, my depression went into overdrive.  But all I can do is continue living my life to the best of my abilities. If friends betray me, then it is their karma, not mine..... I must learn not to take things so personally. I have many online friends whom I often neglect.  But during times when I was desperate for help, it was there from friends and readers. And some of you have been writing to me for years.  I thank you for that.......  

Maybe going to the market with Chico will lift my spirit again. It was hard for me to admit that I sometimes get depressed. Often people see that as a fault, something to be judged.... But it is something I have had to deal with all of my life.....  If someone betrays me, I personally take it on instead of letting it go....  I obsess about it for days and sometimes weeks or months... I never learned how to let those things go.   Maybe I never grew up. I still think that life should be fair, even though I KNOW that is not true. Life ISN'T fair.... Adults know that. Children still believe that it might be fair if they try hard enough and do the right things.....

Morning Thoughts

The Day of the Dead holiday seems to be over now. It was exciting, something happening all over town at all hours of the day and night. I am enjoying t quiet now. I borrowed a camera from a friend but I cannot put the photos onto this i pad. I am having problems with all my electronics, camera and computer. I am buying another computer and two more cameras but I can't get them until I see my son again in Portland. In the meantime, I am struggling with getting articles written for Accesslakechapala.com... Most of the photos in the Thriller dance I didn't take.....  I haven't finished writing them yet.  It is taking me many hours to do what should only take a few minutes, because of my old computer and almost worthless I pad. But hopefully by the end of next week I will have them finished. If you don't know that site, it is Accesslakechapala.com.   Look under blogs....  

Other than the frustrations of trying to do the articles with someone else's camera and a worthless computer, things are good. It has been beautiful weather here lately. I haven't been to the spa since the holidays began and won't go again until after this weekend. I know it will still be too crowded to swim laps now.  

Happy Day of the Dead

It is a beautiful sunny morning here. I just walked back from the Wednesday market with Chico. In a couple of hours I am going to Chapala with my friend Pat to take photos of the altars. I hope there are also some Catrina dolls along the malecon. 

I have a friend living in Visalia. She wants to move down but she needs a ride for her, her two small dogs, and her boxes of things. I don't know if a van would be large enough or maybe a small truck. I think it would only be worthwhile if someone is either driving down here anyway and would stop by her place or someone who wants to go up to the States to visit or stay.  

She is willing to pay for the ride and gas and food..... If you know anyone, please contact me and I will send you her e mail address. Thanks, p and HAPPY DAY OF THE DEAD TO EVERYONE.