Saturday, March 1, 2014
Morning Thoughts--What do we owe other people?
I have been thinking about this issue of what do we owe to others and what do we owe to ourselves. There often comes a point in relationships where we have to draw lines. I am not good at doing that. Not only lines with people but also with animals. This cat has managed to get into my casita and find soft spots to sleep on and hide in for days at a time now. Today I am even buying a cat box because I have to admit that she lives here. I did not want a cat. I still don't want a cat but she has other ideas. So I have finally given in and admitted that she is my cat!
I have the same problems with drawing lines with people. One of my beliefs is that you don't make money off of friends. I consider people who get involved in reading my blog as friends. Distant friends but still they are friends in my mind. I want to be open and loving and helpful to them. But through the years I have made some discoveries. Many times, people will reach out to me for advice and information but as soon as they no longer need anything, I never hear from them again. Then I feel used. I was just a transition person. Or an information resource. Sometimes I see these people in town and we rarely even stop to talk. They have developed their own lives and I am continuing with mine. It was a very short lived and shallow friendship, based on how I could help them.
The reason I stopped putting any places for rent or for sale on my blog is that people were writing and asking me to go see them. I don't even own a car so this was very difficult for me. Or they would ask me a million questions about the places when I knew nothing about them except what I had already put on the blog. I felt very used. I had become an unpaid real estate agent.
Often when I write for Accesslakechapala.com I get people asking me for information when I had clearly put the contact information at the bottom of the article. As if they just didn't want to bother making contact with the people who had the answers but wanted me to do it for them.
I am a real person behind all these words and photos and I have a life too. But I am really bad at saying no to people or telling them that I don't have the time or means to find the answers for them. I want to continue doing this blog. It has given me many long lasting friendships too. It makes my life much fuller. But I need to be able to draw lines better with people. Please don't write to me about going to someone's house to deliver a message. Or ask me about real estate issues. Or ask me questions that you could find the answers to yourself on the computer. I don't have time for that.
Once a man came here and used me for two days to be his guide. He didn't even buy me a cup of coffee and he flirted outrageously in front of me with other women. (I think he was looking for a rich woman and it was obvious that I wasn't that.) It took me two entire days to finally walk out on him in a restaurant while he was dancing with another woman. I can be very dense!
I am not a tour guide. I am not a real estate agent. I am not a messenger. I am just myself, trying to live a simple life and if you would like to meet me, I would love that. I like having coffee or a meal with new comers. I like seeing things through their eyes, new eyes. I like welcoming people to this area because I love it here. But please, do your own research and do not ask me to do it for you. I would really appreciate that. I can't even say NO to a cat! How can I say no to all the expectations that people have of me? I am asking for help with that. Find a real estate agent or a tour guide or look things up on the internet. If you reach out to me, be sure it is just for friendship. That is all I have to offer! Hopefully, that will be enough.