Morning Thoughts

I decided to write again after days and days of depression and anger. Someone told me that depression is anger turned inward. Maybe that is what was going on. Too many bad things happened at once in  my life. My friend Tammy and her dog Kito left in one day and the next day I had that meeting with La Floresta Association about the key.  It was like one of those nightmares where you beg for something essential for your life and a panel of cold people look at you with hard eyes and say no. They didn't even have the decency to raise their hands. They had to put their big NOs on napkins and push them forward to the man in charge. Then he read them off one at a time while glaring at me. NO, NO, NO, NO......

I left there furious at them and then I became depressed. I decided to move to the room where Tammy had been living just to have a change and something to do. I am still hobbling around with the bad ankle but it is getting better. Yesterday I managed to even climb over the fence because I had to go and get some food at the Wednesday market. But I had no desire to take photos and the market had lost it's glow. Everything here has lost it's glow for me after seeing how things work behind the scenes. That a few scared people can  block off our streets and force everyone to climb over the fence makes me see things in a different light here.

Someone today wrote to me asking if I thought it was a good idea for her to quit her government job and sell her house and come down here to open a bed and breakfast. She was only 47. I wrote back, NO. Not a good idea. There are too many people here with bed and breakfasts and restaurants and other businesses and they can't make it financially.

Once I get out of this funk, I may write again. I can't put on any photos because my internet isn't working fast enough. The internet people insist it is our problem and refuse to come out and check it. Just another log for the fire of my bad mood these days.

Thank all of you who wrote to me to encourage me to continue the blog. I deeply appreciate that. I will wait a few more days and if I am in a better mood, I may write again. Maybe not...... 

Morning Thoughts, anger and disappointment

I have been living in this casita for maybe eight years now. I always try to not say anything negative because it always comes back to me tenfold. But this morning I am so angry and disappointed that I am throwing in the towel!!!

 I no longer wish to write or take photos of this place. As some of you know I have recently had an operation on my ankle to take out the screws. I had the doctor write a note for me saying that I can't walk far and I need a key to that gate so I can get out of here. After the president of La Floresta Association had promised in front of the entire group to give me a key so I could get out of here, he backed out when it came time to give it to me. The man at the office made us go back several times and each time he wasn't available. Finally they said we had to go to yet another meeting . Well, we did that today and the man in the office lied outright to us, saying that we had to wait two more weeks because the president wasn't there. But he was there, right in the next room.

So I gave them the doctor's note and Otto and I both appealed to the board. They looked at us both with stony eyes. I knew the answer was NO. Four said no and two said yes. So now I am stuck here. I can't walk all those blocks to get out of here and I can't climb over the fence with this bad ankle. They had absolutely NO COMPASSION.....

I am furious with them and I am ready to quit living here. I want to go where the people are friendly. This WAS a nice place to live. Not anymore. There is such a lot of fear now. I don't want to live like that. So don't expect me to write anymore on this blog.... I am through!!!.....  As soon as my ankle heals I am moving on.... I thank all my readers through the years who have written and supported me through my many trials. I made many wonderful friends.... It was great while it lasted. I am going now to have a good cry....

Hide and Seak

These two photos took a long time to put on here. The repair man is coming tomorrow. I sure hope he can fix this problem or it is going to be the end of my blog......

Mostly NOT online

I have been fighting with the internet for over a week now. Most of the time I am not online. Or I go offline in the middle of putting on photos. Or it is so slow that it takes me ten minutes to put on one photo. I am very frustrated. Have had people check it, still not working. I don't know how long it will be before I can start doing my blog again...

My Walk through Lower La Floresta

One of the cowboys who rents horses

This post took me all morning to put on. No more for awhile until it is fixed.

Morning Thoughts--Manana

Saturday morning and I only know that because I have a doctor's appointment today to take out the stitches in my forehead. Otherwise, I would likely not know the day. Or the date and sometimes I even get confused about the month. (I hate admitting this, but a couple of times I didn't even know the year.) I have heard this is a symptom of Alzheimer's disease. My theory is: Retired Person's Disease. We don't need to know those things.

Our days flow one into the next, like water down a stream. We live the days as a whole instead of divided up into parts. This is much like the way the Mexicans live. I admire how they divide up their days into morning, afternoon or evening. The hour isn't so important. I don't see a lot of watches on Mexicans here.

Manana is an important word for the Mexicans. Manana means tomorrow or the morning. Manana in the Manana. Tomorrow morning. That is good enough for a time frame. But Manana can also mean next week or next month or maybe never. If a worker tells you that he is coming back Manana, don't take that too literally. Patience is an art. Go with the flow of the stream and enjoy the beautiful day while you are waiting for that elusive Manana.

When I first came to Mexico, I rented a small house close to the beach near Puerto Vallarta. The owner of the house paid a roofer in advance to fix the leaks in my roof. It was the rainy season. Then the owner left town. It rained every night. All the furniture I had was an old beat up mattress that I had borrowed from the neighbor and it was on the floor. Every morning my room was flooded with about three inches of water. So I had to take the mattress outside to dry out in the sunshine and mop up the water.

Every morning I would curse out that roofer as I woke up in the flood. I would walk to his house and beg him to fix my roof. After all, he had already been paid. He was always drunk or sleeping one off.  He always said to me, Manana.....  I took him seriously and that was another reason for my anger. He lied to me.

My neighbor who was an expat used to tell me to relax, smell the flowers, go swim in the ocean, don't get so upset. He had been living in Mexico for many years. He knew what was happening. So I would get mad at him too. How could he not understand my situation? I was feeling desperate.

Now, years later, I can laugh at my former self and my unrealistic expectations of Mexico and Mexicans. For one thing, the owner of the house who was also a Mexican should have known that you don't pay a worker in ADVANCE. You certainly don't pay a man in advance and then leave the area......

Oh well, on with my morning.....   It is good that I can finally laugh at things in the past that once irritated me or made me angry. Maybe that is one of the advantages of getting older. We can see our former selves with a sense of humor and not take ourselves so seriously. That is my hope.....

A visit to Lake Cajititlan

Over the weekend I went with Tammy to visit the area around Lake Cajititlan. It is about half way between here and Guadalajara. We took the dogs and we all had fun exploring. I am writing an article about the trip for Accesslakechapala.com. It will be published within a week. If you have never been there, it is a great day trip.

Morning Thoughts

Yesterday I had minor surgery. All went well. It was just a bump on my forehead that has been there for many years. On my way home I stopped at a consignment store just to get my mind off of my worries. The doctor said it wasn't cancerous but he was sending it to the lab to be sure. So, of course, I was worrying.

As I was wandering in the store I overheard a woman who had brought in something to resell. The woman who worked there asked what she wanted for it. She told her a price and said, "That is what I paid for it. That is what it is worth."

Obviously, it was a well worn object. So the saleswoman asked, "How long ago did you buy it?"

The woman said, "Two years ago."

No matter what the saleswoman said, she could not convince this woman that her object wasn't worth exactly what she paid for it two years ago.

Anyone who has been to the second hand stores, consignment stores and yard sales here would have to laugh at this brief bit of conversation because that is the prevailing attitude here of the sellers.

I went to a yard sale last weekend and it was the same thing. Objects were priced far above what they would have cost new in the stores. For people like me who love to shop this way, it is a big disappointment. I don't have many disappointments here but this is a biggie for me. I have to wait until I go back to the States in the summer to do all my shopping. But at least this conversation put a smile on my face and made me forget about the dreaded CANCER word.

The Mardi Gras Parade in Ajijic

I have been having lots of problems getting on the internet lately. I am going to put a few photos of the parade on here and if you want to see more you can see them on Accesslakechapala.com. I am writing about it on there but it might take three or four days before it gets posted. The parade was fun but of course someone went after me while I was trying to hide and save my camera and really blasted me with a lot of flour. But I know not to go to the parade if I don't want to get floured.
I don't care about myself but it is a real drag trying to get it out of my camera lens. Fortunately, I am getting another camera next week.

Man dressed as a woman

cowboys on cell phones

Man riding a cow

Morning Thoughts

My computer has been offline for a few days. I am finally back on, at least for now. But I haven't had time to put on any photos. I have a lot from the parade. I also took a trip to Guadalajara with Tammy and got some nice photos of the horses in the stalls.

This morning I am going to the doctor again to see if he can remove the screws in my ankle. They hurt. They have been in for several years now. So, no time now to work with the blog. Just thought I would let people know why I have not been writing. Hopefully, I will stay online and have time to update things in a day or so.

Morning Thoughts

Today is the last of the Mardi Gras Parades. I am walking up to take photos with my friend Tammy. I don't know if my camera will work or not. I keeps coming up with Camera Error, and it shuts down.  This is my third camera. I wear them out. Next week Tammy is going to the States for a few days and picking up another one for me. If I can get some photos of the parade, I will post them in a day or so.

I spent a couple of hours at the doctor's office yesterday. I hate going to see the doctor and haven't been back since my thyroid surgery over a year ago. So everything is being done at once. UGH..... You can only be in denial about physical problems for so long.

The doctor kept repeating, "This is normal for your age".   He wants me to make a food diary for two weeks. That evening, after I came back home, I wrote an entire page of the foods I had eaten in just a few hours. Talk about denial, it is hard deny the truth when you see everything written down. I eat too much! But it is hard not to overeat here with all the wonderful restaurants and delicious foods.

I am off to the parade...... I hear the band now. HAPPY MARDI GRAS EVERYONE!

Morning Thoughts--What do we owe other people?

I have been thinking about this issue of what do we owe to others and what do we owe to ourselves. There often comes a point in relationships where we have to draw lines. I am not good at doing that. Not only lines with people but also with animals. This cat has managed to get into my casita and find soft spots to sleep on and hide in for days at a time now. Today I am even buying a cat box because I have to admit that she lives here. I did not want a cat. I still don't want a cat but she has other ideas. So I have finally given in and admitted that she is my cat!

I have the same problems with drawing lines with people. One of my beliefs is that you don't make money off of friends. I consider people who get involved in reading my blog as friends. Distant friends but still they are friends in my mind. I want to be open and loving and helpful to them. But through the years I have made some discoveries. Many times, people will reach out to me for advice and information but as soon as they no longer need anything, I never hear from them again. Then I feel used. I was just a transition person. Or an information resource. Sometimes I see these people in town and we rarely even stop to talk. They have developed their own lives and I am continuing with mine. It was a very short lived and shallow friendship, based on how I could help them.

The reason I stopped putting any places for rent or for sale on my blog is that people were writing and asking me to go see them. I don't even own a car so this was very difficult for me. Or they would ask me a million questions about the places when I knew nothing about them except what I had already put on the blog. I felt very used. I had become an unpaid real estate agent.

Often when I write for Accesslakechapala.com I get people asking me for information when I had clearly put the contact information at the bottom of the article. As if they just didn't want to bother making contact with the people who had the answers but wanted me to do it for them.

I am a real person behind all these words and photos and I have a life too. But I am really bad at saying no to people or telling them that I don't have the time or means to find the answers for them. I want to continue doing this blog. It has given me many long lasting friendships too. It makes my life much fuller. But I need to be able to draw lines better with people. Please don't write to me about going to someone's house to deliver a message. Or ask me about real estate issues. Or ask me questions that you could find the answers to yourself on the computer. I don't have time for that.

Once a man came here and used me for two days to be his guide. He didn't even buy me a cup of coffee and he flirted outrageously in front of me with other women. (I think he was looking for a rich woman and it was obvious that I wasn't that.) It took me two entire days to finally walk out on him in a restaurant while he was dancing with another woman. I can be very dense!

I am not a tour guide. I am not a real estate agent. I am not a messenger. I am just myself, trying to live a simple life and if you would like to meet me, I would love that. I like having coffee or a meal with new comers. I like seeing things through their eyes, new eyes.   I like welcoming people to this area because I love it here. But please, do your own research and do not ask me to do it for you. I would really appreciate that. I can't even say NO to a cat! How can I say no to all the expectations that people have of me? I am asking for help with that. Find a real estate agent or a tour guide or look things up on the internet. If you reach out to me, be sure it is just for friendship. That is all I have to offer! Hopefully, that will be enough.