Thursday, August 27, 2020

Morning thoughts

I am still here. Still alive and well. Still fighting off depression. And so I am not writing much on the blog. There is just too much bad in the world right now. We all are doing the best we can to make it to the other side of this pandemic. Yesterday my son, who lives in Kansas, answered his phone when I called and said he was on his way to get a covid test. As his mother, that was upsetting. I asked if he was sick. He said. no. But it is free so I am getting one. He sounded well. But now there are a few anxious days ahead of waiting for the result of that test. His wife is a nurse at the VA hospital. So they are both at risk. It is especially difficult for me because my son and daughter-in-law mean so much to me. I think, like most parents, I would change places with him or her if that were possible. But of course, covid makes all the choices. Okay, now I have quickly slid into the negative thoughts and this is exactly why I am not writing much these days. It is hard enough having to be alone with my thoughts but worse to share them . One last comment before I go. Are any of you having vivid dreams? I am having so many vivid dreams about people from my past and even people I have never met. Being in places I have never seen. Being all ages. As if my past and my dreams are more real than my present. I wonder if it has anything to do with being isolated and not able to relate to people on any meaningful level. Maybe it is just a normal craving for life as it once was and hopefully will be again one day. Hopefully, before I die. Or maybe this is what happens when a person is old, like me now, and reviewing the past. Making amends for past mistakes and trying to make peace with them and people we have hurt or mistreated along the way. It will probably be awhile until I write again. I will wait for something uplifting to share. And one more thing. They changed this site and now I can no longer make new paragraphs. It all runs together. Sorry.

6 comments:

  1. I am feeling a lot better since the botanical garden reopened. Are you still able to go to the pool? Maybe that would help. I feel like things are almost normal when I am in the garden. Hope you can find something to lift your spirit. It is a difficult time for most of us. You are not alone in that regard.

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    1. Hi Donna. Good to hear from you. Yes i am still swimming and that really helps. I am glad you can go to the botanical garden. P

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  2. Hi Pat. I am glad you are still posting occasionally. Those of us who have been following you for years and who have met you in person in Ajijic/Chapala continue to check in to see if you are doing okay. In Phoenix, after being a hot spot for a while, the numbers have been declining that past month. Let's hope that for everyone around the world that we do not have another spike in the fall.

    As Dr. Bonnie Henry (British Columbia's Provincial Health Officer) says, "This is our time to be kind, to be calm, and to be safe." She has become an inspiration for many with her calm presence when it feels like our whole lives are out of control.

    Here's an article about her that you may find helpful,
    https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/05/world/canada/bonnie-henry-british-columbia-coronavirus.html

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    1. Hi Sylva, good to hear from you again. Thank you for that wonderful article. What a great woman and so inspiring. The only thing I have in common with her is that I too grind my teeth when I sleep. Thanks for writing and sharing this article. P

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