Sunday, May 17, 2020

Morning thoughts


I have been too distracted and depressed to write on the blog. Being inside all the time is driving me nuts. The stay at home order is over tomorrow for everyone except sick people and people over sixty. We are supposed to stay Inside until the end of the month but I won't be surprised if they extend it again. Maybe they will extend it for us until they get a vaccine. Maybe years from now. Maybe the rest of my life!  Don't have many years left and I hate to think it might be spent locked up in this house. So that is a big reason for my depression!

And Marie, a friend from many years back, passed away.  Her daughter let me know. Marie and I were friends from about 2008. Our sons were friends first. Marie followed me down to Mexico after she got her house sold and took care of her business.  I have many photos of her in the first part of my blog. Nothing in the past few years because we had a falling out. But her death still hit me hard.

Sometime it is more difficult when there are unresolved issues. I had an opportunity to reach out to her several months ago when her son was visiting but I didn't  take it. I didn't want to get back into all the conflict. I didn't know she was so sick. Now it is too late!

Added to all this, two weeks ago, it rained and I had a leak over my bed. The landlord came in with saws, mallets, a helper and rattled my house and tree in the front for a day and left everything in shambles. Tree limbs were all over my sidewalk and street. Rubble upstairs on my deck was in a big pile and dirt was filtering into my entire house. Four big holes had been pounded into the deck wall. And no landlord.

Finally, a few of days ago, after I had already spent days stuffing tree limbs and rubble into big bags, and hauling them to the dump on the corner, he returned and cut off even more tree limbs. And left again.  Still left holes in the wall on the deck. Then two days later, he returned and hauled away the other limbs. From a small leak over my bed, it progressed into two weeks of a construction zone. I mean deconstruction zone.

I have been too exhausted to do any more cleaning. I have done too much mopping and hauling and cleaning surfaces. And still there is dust coming into all my rooms from the deck. If It hadn't been for my friend, Dudley, coming over to help, I would have given up and just walked away!

 I have rested for two days now and I am starting to make peace with the loss of my friend. And I am slowly recovering from all the chaos both inside my house and Inside my head and heart.

But I am still in lockdown. Sick and tired of cooking and cleaning.

These are the reasons that I haven't been writing. I was completely overwhelmed with sadness, frustration and exhaustion. But I am still alive. Just beat up in every way! I am one of the lucky ones.


10 comments:

  1. Sorry to read about the leak, Pat. Hope it is completely repaired soon. Sorry, too, to read about your (former) friend. It's hard to lose someone at any time and especially so when issues have not been resolved.

    I am glad that you have Chico and Olive to keep you company during self-quarantine.

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    1. Hi Sylva, good to hear from you again. Thank you for the encouragement. Hope you are doing well. P

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    2. Hi again, Pat. We are fine here in Arizona. Working from home and avoiding going out.

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    3. Hi Sylva, thanks for writing. I am starting to get used to being in my home. P

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  2. I have been reading your blog now for a few years. You had not written for a while, usually if I do not hear from people it is often because they are not doing so well, sorry for what you are going through, trying times we are living, I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. I am glad to hear that you are still healthy and safe.

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    1. Thank you France T. For commenting and encouraging me. Good advice. Take care of yourself. P

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  3. Just dropping in to say "hi" from chilly and windy Virginia. Two more days of online school for me, then wrapping up the year.
    If someone had told me in early March that I would learn how to run online classes with various sites, I'd never believe it. But you can teach an old dog new tricks - although I'm sure I did not adapt as fast as my younger colleagues.
    I'm looking forward to getting some work done around my house when school is done. Hope things improve for all of us, but I think it will be a while.
    Hugs,
    Karen in VA

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    1. Hi Karen, thanks for commenting. I am trying to learn too. Studying Spanish. P

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  4. Hi Pat! So sorry to hear about the destruction going on and for the loss of your friend. I think all of us are feeling the effects of lockdown, wherever we are. Things won't quite be the same for a while. Are you able to video chat with family or local friends? Keeping connected is a key thing these days. Sorry I haven't posted for a while. Just busy doing a whole lot of not much.

    Take care and stay safe!

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    1. Hi Scott, good to hear from you. Yes, in two hours I am having a zoom chat with my relatives. I hope all is well with you and your family. Thanks for writing. P

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