Tuesday, April 14, 2020
Morning thoughts
I did too much cooking and my refrigerator refused to work anymore. I am waiting for the repair man to show up but I think it is beyond repair. When I was house sitting, ten years ago, a woman I worked for kindly gave it to me. She had bought a new one. It was maybe ten years old at that time. The repair man has already fixed it once for me. This time I may have to give it up. I sure hope the repair man doesn't bring the coronavirus in with him.
It is terrible to live with fear. Either I take the risk of getting the virus or else I live without a working refrigerator. What a choice! I am taking the risk. Food is too important to me.
Yesterday I looked at the thirty thousand photos I have on this I pad. I have another thirty thousand on a nonworking computer. So many parades, festivals, smiling people, restaurants, friends, etc. LIFE!
All gone now. And I don't know if it will ever return in my lifetime. Such freedom. So much love and happiness radiated out through those photos. I took it all for granted.
Last night I had one of those dreams where it feels completely real. I was looking for my mother. She had moved and I didn't know her address. I saw a child playing on a porch and I asked if he knew Virginia. He said, she lives here. He went inside and brought her out. She came to me and we were hugging and crying. She was so alive in this dream and she has been dead a long time now. I woke up crying, realizing that it was just a dream. She isn't alive. I can't hug her. Right now, I can't hug anyone. What a way to live. If this is going to be the new normal, I am not sure I will want to live.
Yes, I am depressed! I never realized before now how much it means to me to be with people and share celebrations and meals and love and hugs!
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I understand, yes, times are definitely strange now. I live in Virginia and our state has extended our "shelter in place" law until June 10th!
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing. That is a loooooong time. We may be in the same boat soon. P
DeleteWhile I understand your anxiety, I think you are overlooking a great opportunity to experience this new REALITY as a life lesson for growth instead of regression.
ReplyDeleteThis article says it all:
https://mexiconewsdaily.com/opinion/the-haves-and-the-have-nots-in-an-era-of-a-global-pandemic/
"Yet my experience of the Mexican people thus far is that, despite their country’s more precarious economic reality, they are exhibiting greater levels of peace than my American counterparts. There is a tangible sense of well-being in the Mexican culture, even in the midst of very real and difficult troubles. This is linked, at least partially, to an overall greater acceptance of life, including both illness and death.
There is less of a sense of self-preservation here than in the States. And I’m discovering that when there is less emphasis placed on self-preservation, there is less to be anxious about. Simply put, there is less to defend."
These cultural contrasts highlight a paradoxical connection between resources, wealth, and inner well-being. It seems that the more we have to defend, the more anxiety, stress, and intensity we will experience in defending it."
Focusing on gratitude for what we have--even overburdening an appliance by making too much food--is a much better message to radiate outwards to your readers.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I always appreciate hearing from others. I am getting tired of listening to myself. P
DeleteI think everyone's mental health is taking a hit from this. Like you, I can't afford to get this virus. So I do what I can and do not fear to look ahead. The future after a vaccine and effective treatments will be different from what we expect, but I intend to be here to experience it, and you should, too. We'll meet up in the Plaza again in some version of it.
ReplyDeleteHi Bridget, I hope you are right. And maybe one day you might want to house sit for me again? I have hot water in the kitchen. I have moved up in the world. P
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