Morning thoughts

I haven't written on the blog lately. I can't say that I don't have the time. I have all kinds of time. Too much time to cook and clean and be depressed. I don't like to write when I am depressed but this will most likely last awhile. It is difficult to be alone all the time. Especially when I hear the Mexicans in my neighborhood going about their daily lives with no concern for the stay at home order.

It is hot here and the nights are hot. This is one of the biggest party times of the year for Mexicans. So they are spending a lot of time at night out on the sidewalk and having gatherings and parties. I hear it from my balcony. It makes me sad and I long to go out too.

 I remember when I was a little girl and my parents always made me come inside as soon as it got dark. We lived in Manteca where summer nights were hot like they are here now. I could hear the neighborhood children outside, running around and playing with each other. I had a deep longing to go out and play with them.   But no, I had to stay inside. Like now. Only this time it is a matter of life and death.

 I don't know why my parents wouldn't allow me to play outside after dark. We lived in a small town and a safe neighborhood.  I do know why I can't go outside now, day or night, but that still doesn't stop the longing to join the life out there. I just have to keep reminding myself that I may be saving my life by staying inside, even though, right now, life doesn't seem worth saving if I have to spend it indoors with just my own company. I am bored with myself.