Morning Thoughts

It is another hot morning in Ajijic. I read in the Guadalajara Reporter that so far this has been one of the hottest seasons yet. I believe it because I have been here maybe ten years and not ever felt so hot. They also said to expect even more rain when it comes. Much more rain.  I am wondering if this excess heat and expected excess rain is because of global warming. The weather seems more extreme everywhere.

I am still getting ready for my trip to the United States. I stupidly bought two large, very heavy blankets from some nice young people up from Oaxaca at the Wednesday market. Gifts for my family. But I didn't think about the fact that two blankets have taken up almost my entire suitcase and almost reach the total weight allowed. So much for thinking of consequences of impulse buys. My family may not even like these blankets. Live and learn.

I am not writing much these days because I am so distracted with things to do before leaving. And I haven't received any comments for quite awhile. Maybe the blog is slowly dying a natural death. Maybe it is time to do something else.  I also haven't been writing for Accesslakechapala lately. Not much is happening in town for me to write about. Too hot for events right now.

  I hang on to things far too long.  Just as an example, I don't like to throw anything away. I guess this comes from growing up poor, or being poor most of my adult life. But I don't like to run out of things. What happens is that one day I will notice that I have three opened bottles of shampoo in my shower. Or three of anything else. I guess when I get down almost to the end of something that is essential, in order not to run out, I will buy another one. Then I open the second one. And in order not to run out of the second one, I buy a third one. Not noticing that I already have TWO other bottles of that particular thing that have not been used up. Yesterday I found three opened jars of mustard in my refrigerator and I don't even like mustard. 

I may think I have a lot of shoes, or other items of clothing but in reality I have old things that I should have thrown away but I can't part with them. So I just have them sitting around, giving me the illusion that I have more useable clothing or shoes or anything else than I actually have. Maybe this also comes from training as I was growing up, being a child of parents who went through the depression.

I have a very hard time letting go: Of things, of people, of places, of experiences, etc. Several years ago my old computer broke so I spent the next six months taking it back to the same computer repair shop, paying each time for them to fix it. By the end of the six months I could have bought a new computer for the same amount of money I had given to the repair store. (It never worked properly after all those repairs. All I use now is my i pad but the old computer is still in my desk drawer.)  I don't like to let go, or give up. And maybe that is what is happening now with this blog. I am keeping it going, even though no one seems to be reading it anymore, just because I can't let go.

Sometimes this quality has served me well, like my determination to get through college and then graduate school. Not that those degrees ever got me any good jobs, but at least I did it. Or forcing myself to swim forty five laps twice a week at the pool. 

Mostly this quality has held me back.  I have hung on to friendships that have often been destructive to me. I hang on to the same location. I hang on to half used bottles of things and old clothing that I can no longer wear. I hang on to old habits...... I hang on to this blog. But maybe I need to let things go.........   Change is scary to me. The older I get, the more I want things to stay the same and of course that is impossible. All we can count on is that everything will always change.