Morning Thoughts

I haven't been on the blog for awhile because I am planning a trip to visit my family in the States. It has been so much work, just to get the airline tickets and make arrangements for my animals. My Debit card had been canceled by the bank because they sent out different cards. So I also had to deal with my bank about that. I have been spending hours on the phone for many days. I think things are settled and then they aren't.  Modern life!  There were many times when I just wanted to quit and not go. I guess I have been spoiled by the simplicity of my life here in Mexico. Maybe this will be my last trip up north. 

I have been thinking about life. How we start out vulnerable and dependent and as we grow, we become stronger and better at getting our needs met. We learn that life expands and we have more options and skills. We become more attractive. Life feels never ending. But then things change somewhere in middle age. We no longer see ourselves as invulnerable. We start having health problems. Instead of life always getting better, it begins to get harder. We begin to feel our limitations and we know that we will die one day. Until we get old, if we are lucky, and we become more vulnerable every day and more dependent on others for help, reverting back to when we first arrived here. Helpless, dependent and needing diaper changes. 

I remember my mother in her last years of her life. She would say, "I will never do THAT again." After different experiences. It made me sad to hear her accept the end of things so calmly but now I understand...

I may never go to the United States again after this trip. The stress is too much for me and I haven't even started out on the journey yet. I have just been tied to the computer, trying to get things arranged.  My family will have to come down to see me in Mexico after this trip. 

A couple of weeks ago on the news I read about a former scientist in Australia, a 106 year old man, who went to Switzerland to take his own life. Doing that is illegal in Australia. He sang a little song that was posted online. He seemed very happy and it was the day before taking the drugs.. He said that he was tired of all his physical problems. Maybe if I were to live that long, I too would want to die. For now, I still want to be alive although I have wanted to commit murder while on the phone all this time, listening to stupid songs and repetitions, "Your call is important to us. Pease stay on the line and a representative will be with you shortly...etc."   Be with me SHORTLY??? Not a chance......

Maybe the Amish have the right idea. Simplify life!  What appears to give us freedom may actually be tying us down, taking away our freedom. 

I would give up flying and all the stress associated with it but I haven't seen my family in about four years. I miss them. Maybe the worst is over now but that is doubtful after seeing all the craziness that happens on airplanes. I have six flights to go on. I am not looking forward to that part of the vacation. It is far more expensive and difficult to go to Kansas City than to Portland, Or. I guess more people want to go to Portland than Kansas. Kansas City in July! I imagine it will be about like the weather here now, only hotter. I just checked the local weather and it will be 90 degrees for the next few days, and very humid. Time to go to the pool and cool off. Now that the arrangements have finally been made, I can get back to swimming. I hope now I will be able to write more on the blog.