Morning thoughts

I am still here. Still alive and well. Still fighting off depression. And so I am not writing much on the blog. There is just too much bad in the world right now. We all are doing the best we can to make it to the other side of this pandemic. Yesterday my son, who lives in Kansas, answered his phone when I called and said he was on his way to get a covid test. As his mother, that was upsetting. I asked if he was sick. He said. no. But it is free so I am getting one. He sounded well. But now there are a few anxious days ahead of waiting for the result of that test. His wife is a nurse at the VA hospital. So they are both at risk. It is especially difficult for me because my son and daughter-in-law mean so much to me. I think, like most parents, I would change places with him or her if that were possible. But of course, covid makes all the choices. Okay, now I have quickly slid into the negative thoughts and this is exactly why I am not writing much these days. It is hard enough having to be alone with my thoughts but worse to share them . One last comment before I go. Are any of you having vivid dreams? I am having so many vivid dreams about people from my past and even people I have never met. Being in places I have never seen. Being all ages. As if my past and my dreams are more real than my present. I wonder if it has anything to do with being isolated and not able to relate to people on any meaningful level. Maybe it is just a normal craving for life as it once was and hopefully will be again one day. Hopefully, before I die. Or maybe this is what happens when a person is old, like me now, and reviewing the past. Making amends for past mistakes and trying to make peace with them and people we have hurt or mistreated along the way. It will probably be awhile until I write again. I will wait for something uplifting to share. And one more thing. They changed this site and now I can no longer make new paragraphs. It all runs together. Sorry.

lunch

Nothing new in my life. Just waiting out this pandemic. At least I hope to make it through. I am swimming three days a week. This afternoon I bought these delicious homemade tacos from my neighbor. She opened a stand out on the sidewalk.

A narrow vision

My world has become very small. As the pandemic expands, my life shrinks. Hard to tell by what goes on in my neighborhood. The only difference I see from a year ago is all the masks now. The Mexicans have finally started wearing them. The bus drivers won't let people on without masks. Of course, often they are pushed soon down to the neck after people sit down. But it is mostly business as usual here. No let up. Restaurants are busy. Stores are crowded. Life goes on as usual. But not mine. I am trying to be a good girl. The symptoms of corona virus scare me. I have had pneumonia and not been able to breathe deeply. It is a terrible feeling. Plus, I am not ready to die yet.

I vaguely remember the thousands of photos I have taken in the past of festivals, events, parades with dancing horses, restaurant meals, friends. Everything imaginable. Now all I have to share are four photos. The first one is of the late afternoon light coming in my bedroom window. The second is of a bored dog. The third is of a bored cat. (Yes, I believe that my animals are also very bored.) And the last one is of flowers from my garden that I put in styrofoam cups at my kitchen window.

Not much to offer. Just feeding my blog, trying to keep it alive too. It is all about maintaining these days.

Good news. This coming Sunday I get to go to the dentist for part two of a four part root canal series. At least I will be noticed and touched and have something different to do. My life has definitely gone downhill.

An experiment

I am bored. So this afternoon I tried an experiment. Making a video of my back garden and seeing if I can get it on here. The music in the background is from my neighbor. And this is one of their quieter times. Some days I can't even sit in my garden because the music is blasting out, and even into all the rooms of my house. At least they are playing mellow songs today.

I got a shot of my cat. I just put medicine in her eye. I would say that is why she is so passive. But she is an old cat and mostly she is sleeping. I caught her right after her dinner. She is already back to sleep.

Morning thoughts

I haven't written for awhile so I am just checking in, feeding the blog so it doesn't die completely. I don't like to write when I have nothing to say and am depressed. We all have our downs. No reason for me to inflict mine on anyone else.

It is morning and it is still dark outside. There is a rolling thunder going on overhead. It doesn't stop. You know how a plane sounds when it comes in low. That is how this thunder sounds with no break. It has been going on for a couple of hours. Very unusual.

 My cat woke me up as she cried around the house. She only settled down after I got up and sat at the i pad. I had already fed her an hour earlier so she wasn't hungry. Maybe all this noise was upsetting to her. She is now snoozing next to me. And of course, I am wide awake. I would have loved a couple of extra hours of sleep. But my cat is more important to me than sleep. I don't know what I would do without the company of my animals.

I never see any friends. The only people I interact with these days are the check out women at the local grocery store and the man who takes my temperature before I can get in the pool area. Last evening the police truck rolled down my street again, telling everyone to stay inside. I hadn't heard it for quite a few days.

The local paper warned us that we might go into lockdown again because the virus cases have been going up. It is alarming to see two hundred more deaths every time I check the count online, which is every day. But even more alarming is looking at the news from the USA. I need to quit doing that.

I have been walking to the pool and swimming three days a week. I hope that isn't taken away from me if they lockdown again. It has been a lifesaver for me. Good luck to everyone out there. Hope you stay safe and well.