My lunch

I am spending my days cooking. Or maybe I should use the word daze instead because I feel like I am in a daze most of the time. Well, most of this timelessness. Here is what I made for lunch. It is blanched fresh green beans cooked in sesame oil with garlic, onions, sesame and sunflower seeds. With extra firm tofu, covered with corn starch and fried with sesame seeds and sunflower seeds. I think it was a success. I have had a lot of failures recently, especially with trying to make sourdough bread. But this was good.

Morning thoughts

I haven't written on the blog lately. I can't say that I don't have the time. I have all kinds of time. Too much time to cook and clean and be depressed. I don't like to write when I am depressed but this will most likely last awhile. It is difficult to be alone all the time. Especially when I hear the Mexicans in my neighborhood going about their daily lives with no concern for the stay at home order.

It is hot here and the nights are hot. This is one of the biggest party times of the year for Mexicans. So they are spending a lot of time at night out on the sidewalk and having gatherings and parties. I hear it from my balcony. It makes me sad and I long to go out too.

 I remember when I was a little girl and my parents always made me come inside as soon as it got dark. We lived in Manteca where summer nights were hot like they are here now. I could hear the neighborhood children outside, running around and playing with each other. I had a deep longing to go out and play with them.   But no, I had to stay inside. Like now. Only this time it is a matter of life and death.

 I don't know why my parents wouldn't allow me to play outside after dark. We lived in a small town and a safe neighborhood.  I do know why I can't go outside now, day or night, but that still doesn't stop the longing to join the life out there. I just have to keep reminding myself that I may be saving my life by staying inside, even though, right now, life doesn't seem worth saving if I have to spend it indoors with just my own company. I am bored with myself.

Morning thoughts

Still in lockdown. The president has extended it for another month. By then, if I am still alive, my floors will be clean enough to eat on or else I will be here stark raving mad. Now, when I think of something I want to buy to fix up my house or something I want to do, I preface the thought with IF I AM STILL ALIVE.  What a way to think.  But this is our new reality. We are all at risk, some more than others.

Right now, I wish I had never left San Blas. The quiet little beach town north of Puerto Vallarta. I was going to retire there years ago but the mosquitoes and jejenes drove me out. Now an even greater threat exists in this area. Also unseen, like those jejenes. I checked the statistics this morning. Over in the San Blas area they have had only 6 cases and no deaths. It is fourth from the bottom of cases in Mexico. Jalisco, where I live, is third from the top with 90 cases and 4 deaths. And that is just for today.  It will get worse, much worse.

Last night I heard and saw a police truck coming down my street. The policeman was blasting out warnings and people walking on the street almost ran. I couldn't hear whatever he was saying. Maybe he was telling them to go home. And two days ago I watched an army helicopter above my neighborhood, going back and forth. Don't know why. Things are strange here right now. Most of the people are ignoring the threat but then there are little pockets of fearful events.

Well, back to cleaning my house. I have never been so well organized. If I die during this time, at least the person cleaning my house and getting rid of my things will have an easier time of it. Sorry for being so negative. I really should quit listening to the news. Good luck to you all and happy cleaning if that is what you too are doing.

Lockdown, day five

I just got word that the lockdown has been extended until Sunday. I am bored, bored, bored but at least I am still alive and well. I am tired of cooking. Tired of cleaning. Tired of reading. And especially tired of looking at the virus news.  But at least I am still alive.  Bored to death but not dead yet. The sunset is just happening. Big event of the day for me. Have to go watch it. Take care everyone.    

Lockdown, day four

My internet was out all day. So, no listening to the news. It was such a peaceful day without constantly listening to the corona virus disasters. I knew life would be better without all that fear being pumped into my house but I didn't have the courage to turn it off.

I spent the entire day without thinking about it. Just me and the cat and dog. I did more cooking and cleaning and resting in the sunshine. It was a good day and I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, staying home. Okay, I cheated a little this morning with a short walk so Chico could do his business.

This is the first time in my life when the only thing expected of me is to do nothing. Just stay home. And I can't manage to do that completely. Tomorrow. I hope will make it through tomorrow, the last day of the lockdown, without peaking my head out the front door. I expect this won't be our only lockdown. I will have more chances to practice. And maybe I will get the courage to keep the news turned off. I can't change anything by listening to it and worrying about it.