My seventy fifth birthday photo

My seventy fifth birthday photo with friends and carrot cake
Obviously, I am the one on the left. The old one!
I had my white shirt half on when my friend snapped the photo. Don't worry, no broken arm. It was a wonderful birthday at the Rebozo Parade. Next post will have photos of the event.

Morning Thoughts

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am depressed. Have been depressed for days. Today I realized that I always get depressed around my birthday. It is a time when I put my life under a magnifying glass and I don't like what I see. I have become a recluse in my new home. Far from the Ajijic action.   But I am usually happy here. I am a loner. Too much activity overwhelms me, the introvert.  Birthdays are supposed to celebrate our lives. Today I don't feel like celebrating this introverted life that I have created. What do I want? Does anyone really know what would make his or her life happier, more fulfilling? 

I know I want to continue living in Mexico. Living in San Antonio fits my personality better than living in the midst of the tourist center of Ajijic. But  I don't have much to write about on my blog because my life here is very routine and ordinary. Things will change tomorrow. This is the beginning of the Independence Day celebrations. 

The rebozo parade is tomorrow evening in the Ajijic plaza. Next weekend is the Globos celebration. Many events are coming up in the next week.. I will be busy. Maybe being busy will take my mind off of this negative self reflection. Just realizing that being depressed is always a pattern with me around my birthday, helps to lighten it. Knowledge is power. I know this much about myself now and maybe it will help me move on to enjoy the upcoming events.

I will take lots of photos and write some articles for Access Lake Chapala. And maybe I will bring myself to write more on the blog. I don't like to bring negative things here so I often write nothing if I am in a bad space. Living in a paradise doesn't mean that things are perfect! We all still have to deal with our internal demons! Mine always raise their ugly heads around my birthday. 

Morning thoughts

I have been home for almost a week. It has taken me awhile to get settled again. But I appreciate everything about living in this little Mexican town. I love San Antonio! It is so peaceful. I miss my family in the United States. I wish they lived here so I could see them all the time. I guess in life we can't have everything we want. They are happy in their lives. That was good to see and will have to be enough for me.

I didn't photograph much up there. Just their dogs and lovely back yard. I think I was too overwhelmed to even think about taking pictures. Everything was so different from my world here. (I have already written about that.) But I have a few photos I took before leaving here that I am posting.

Morning thoughts

I am finally getting used to being back in the USA. And it is time to start thinking about returning to my home in Mexico. I am no longer tongue tied when someone speaks to me. I am not clutching the seat when riding in a car on the freeway. I am comfortable walking into monsterous, crowded stores. No desire to run out the door with a sense of claustrophobia from the crowds. I can mostly ignore television commercials where people try to convince me to buy something or take a pill for some problem, causing many other problems from the pill.

I still feel a bit outside of myself. Kind of like I have misplaced part of my soul, or at least part of my identity. This is a fast moving world..... I can't keep up. I don't want to keep up. I think I can accept my old age gracefully. It is okay with me to be out of the mainstream. Out of the loop.

I have been spending many hours in my son and daughter-in-law's back yard, watching the leaves fall. And playing with their two dogs. This has helped to center me. It is like sitting in the woods.

Morning thoughts

Reverse culture shock! That is a new phrase for me!   I am currently experiencing that syndrome here in Lenexa, Kansas. I have been feeling disoriented and overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, tongue tied and confused. I had no explanation for these feelings until finding this phrase on the internet.

It means returning to one's own culture and finding that it has changed and is no longer familiar. It is similar to culture shock. A disorientation.

My life in Mexico is slow. Everything I need is within a few blocks of my house or a short bus ride away. Stores are small. I recognize everyone living in my neighborhood. We acknowledge each other in passing. I always have enough money in my purse and rarely need to get more out of the ATM machine. I can keep up with the pace of people around me. The expats I see are close to my age.

My son plays jazz and I have been going out to clubs at night to listen to him when at home I would be long asleep in bed. I feel so old. How did I age so quickly?  Staying up after ten makes me tired the next day. I can't keep up with the pace of people around me. I am the oldest person in any room. What happened?

Life here is like jazz. Fast moving. Nonstop. Unpredictable. Exciting and sometimes overwhelming. Money flows from me like water. Jazz is a perfect art form to reflect modern life in the city.

In Mexico, I rarely ride in a car. Here, it is a necessity. Everything is at a distance. I was having lunch with my son, David, in a restaurant when he got a phone call from his friend. David said his friend was having lunch in a restaurant right across the street. I thought that we could just walk across the street to see him. But to my son that meant a mile away. Distances are marked off very differently when just about everything is accessed by car. Walking to places is not an option.

I doubt if I could manage to live here again. I have slowed down too much to attempt to catch up. I would be terrified of driving on these freeways. I would miss the friendliness of locals on walks and in small stores or outdoor markets. Plus, now I see how old I am. I am an old lady. Obsolete. How did that sneak up on me?