Morning thoughts

Reverse culture shock! That is a new phrase for me!   I am currently experiencing that syndrome here in Lenexa, Kansas. I have been feeling disoriented and overwhelmed, exhausted, anxious, tongue tied and confused. I had no explanation for these feelings until finding this phrase on the internet.

It means returning to one's own culture and finding that it has changed and is no longer familiar. It is similar to culture shock. A disorientation.

My life in Mexico is slow. Everything I need is within a few blocks of my house or a short bus ride away. Stores are small. I recognize everyone living in my neighborhood. We acknowledge each other in passing. I always have enough money in my purse and rarely need to get more out of the ATM machine. I can keep up with the pace of people around me. The expats I see are close to my age.

My son plays jazz and I have been going out to clubs at night to listen to him when at home I would be long asleep in bed. I feel so old. How did I age so quickly?  Staying up after ten makes me tired the next day. I can't keep up with the pace of people around me. I am the oldest person in any room. What happened?

Life here is like jazz. Fast moving. Nonstop. Unpredictable. Exciting and sometimes overwhelming. Money flows from me like water. Jazz is a perfect art form to reflect modern life in the city.

In Mexico, I rarely ride in a car. Here, it is a necessity. Everything is at a distance. I was having lunch with my son, David, in a restaurant when he got a phone call from his friend. David said his friend was having lunch in a restaurant right across the street. I thought that we could just walk across the street to see him. But to my son that meant a mile away. Distances are marked off very differently when just about everything is accessed by car. Walking to places is not an option.

I doubt if I could manage to live here again. I have slowed down too much to attempt to catch up. I would be terrified of driving on these freeways. I would miss the friendliness of locals on walks and in small stores or outdoor markets. Plus, now I see how old I am. I am an old lady. Obsolete. How did that sneak up on me?