Morning Walk by the River

I have started walking at a park near where I live. It is about a mile long. It feels good to be able to exercise again. It is getting hot here. It is expected to be in the 90s today. I booked my flight back to Mexico. I leave here on April 27th and arrive in Guadalajara on the 28th. I can hardly wait to get back there. I don't care how many other problems come up here, I am still getting on that plane......

Life in These United States

The above photo is the view from my porch of the Sacramento River.

I am still here, still working away every day trying to fix things up and getting rid of stuff so I can return to Mexico. I had three knobs that were broken on my stove top. They cost from forty to sixty dollars each to replace! They made them so the universal knobs don't fit. Must have cost twenty cents to make those knobs..... I had to drive to another city to rummage through their bins and I found three mismatched knobs for free and caused a gas leak while trying to unlock the stem. The gas man came out and turned off my gas after I slept over night with the gas leak.

So then I had to buy a new stove top!!! And if it won't fit or if the counter top is cut wrong I will have to remodel my kitchen....All because of three broken knobs.....It is like a nightmare where nothing is ever resolved! They just become more and more complicated and expensive......Just this one project has taken me days and days of effort..... It is like bread dough, one small problem becomes a never ending set of other problems. I am beginning to think I will never finish or get away from all the work and expense.

I don't know what is happening in this country. I managed to see a little bit of my television. Those converter boxes don't work. You just get into a program and they click off. Anyway, on with my complaining. I listened to a news program where they were talking about dating in these hard times. Their suggestion was that for sure you should bring out your financial statements and all your assets and share this with your date so he or she will know how much your are worth!!! And how about this? A dating service matching people up with the same credit scores..... Wow that sounds romantic.!!.... Everything seems to come down to money here. The almighty dollar. The ads use our bad times to try to sell us more stuff, playing on our fears.....I am soooo depressed and overwhelmed and my bank account is drying up daily....I must get back to Mexico.....Sorry for my bad state of mind. I was hoping to be in a better mood before writing but that isn't happening.

Still in the States. Still Depressed.....

Every day there are more things to do here. Things keep expanding, like bread dough. All I do is pack up stuff and take care of problems. I have become so depressed that I am beginning to wonder if I will ever make it back to Mexico. This is a nice, quiet, safe and beautiful town. My mobile home, in the photo, is beautiful but I am alone. I sit in my mobile home at night and think of my evenings listening to music and dancing in Mexico. I feel like I have aged twenty years since coming back here. All my past memories of my mother and our dogs and their deaths..... I get so sad...... But every day another thing has to be taken care of and so I am still here..... Anyone out there want to buy my moble home???? It is cheap at this point. I just want out.

View of the Sacramento River through Red Bluff

Red Bluff is a Norman Rockwell kind of town..... Not a bad place to live if you are raising a family or if you want peace and quiet.... But I have been terribly depressed here. I think I am suffering from Mexico withdrawals and Music withdrawals....I hope to get back there ASAP. I am not online and can't spend much time on the internet when I do find a place to do it so I am not answering any e mails either. I am too depressed and busy trying to get out of here anyway. Sorry. Things will look up when I return home, Meaning MEXICO.

Getting Caught in the Past

I have only been here a few days and already I am getting caught up in my past. I wander around my mobile home and look at all the old memories of the nine years of living here with my mother and her dog and my dog. One by one, they died and I am left alone here with the ghosts. So why am I holding on to it? Maybe it is just human nature to hold on to the known and the past. It is easy to forget about my life in Mexico when I am in this place. It is comfortable here.

When people wrote to me on the blog and asked me many questions from all their fears of the unknown I would think, Just come here to Mexico. It is easy. Just get on a plane and come. But it isn't so easy. I am feeling myself getting more deeply entrenched in this life and I know what a wonderful life is in Mexico. It isn't an unknown to me now. But my fears start to take over. I am going to have to just keep on every day, packing up stuff and giving stuff away and maybe when my place is cleaned out, I will have the courage to jump on that plane again and go back to Mexico. Thank you all for writing to me during this difficult time of transition.