Morning thoughts

I have been too distracted and depressed to write on the blog. Being inside all the time is driving me nuts. The stay at home order is over tomorrow for everyone except sick people and people over sixty. We are supposed to stay Inside until the end of the month but I won't be surprised if they extend it again. Maybe they will extend it for us until they get a vaccine. Maybe years from now. Maybe the rest of my life!  Don't have many years left and I hate to think it might be spent locked up in this house. So that is a big reason for my depression!

And Marie, a friend from many years back, passed away.  Her daughter let me know. Marie and I were friends from about 2008. Our sons were friends first. Marie followed me down to Mexico after she got her house sold and took care of her business.  I have many photos of her in the first part of my blog. Nothing in the past few years because we had a falling out. But her death still hit me hard.

Sometime it is more difficult when there are unresolved issues. I had an opportunity to reach out to her several months ago when her son was visiting but I didn't  take it. I didn't want to get back into all the conflict. I didn't know she was so sick. Now it is too late!

Added to all this, two weeks ago, it rained and I had a leak over my bed. The landlord came in with saws, mallets, a helper and rattled my house and tree in the front for a day and left everything in shambles. Tree limbs were all over my sidewalk and street. Rubble upstairs on my deck was in a big pile and dirt was filtering into my entire house. Four big holes had been pounded into the deck wall. And no landlord.

Finally, a few of days ago, after I had already spent days stuffing tree limbs and rubble into big bags, and hauling them to the dump on the corner, he returned and cut off even more tree limbs. And left again.  Still left holes in the wall on the deck. Then two days later, he returned and hauled away the other limbs. From a small leak over my bed, it progressed into two weeks of a construction zone. I mean deconstruction zone.

I have been too exhausted to do any more cleaning. I have done too much mopping and hauling and cleaning surfaces. And still there is dust coming into all my rooms from the deck. If It hadn't been for my friend, Dudley, coming over to help, I would have given up and just walked away!

 I have rested for two days now and I am starting to make peace with the loss of my friend. And I am slowly recovering from all the chaos both inside my house and Inside my head and heart.

But I am still in lockdown. Sick and tired of cooking and cleaning.

These are the reasons that I haven't been writing. I was completely overwhelmed with sadness, frustration and exhaustion. But I am still alive. Just beat up in every way! I am one of the lucky ones.