Morning thoughts

I am sick with yet another cold. Staying home. Bored and angry. Angry at myself for getting another cold. Stupid, I know, but there is no one else to blame. I also fell down about ten days ago while walking on a dirt path. I bruised a rib. That has been painful and the cold added to this pain makes me even angrier.

I don't know anyone who has lived here longer than a few months who has not fallen down. These cobblestone streets and uneven sidewalks make it difficult to always stay upright. So why the anger at myself for falling down, and for the cold? Maybe it is really fear underlying the anger. Fear of old age and vulnerability.

I have been inspired by internet articles about elderly men and women who never seem to age. A woman in her mid seventies (my age) who swims in competitions, a hundred year old man, an ex ballet dancer who still teaches dancing at colleges......  I could go on, but I am sure everyone knows other inspiring stories.

These people were in the news because they are the exception to the rule. The rule is that we all get old and become more fragile, more vulnerable. We get sick easier. Our bones break easier. Our minds aren't as sharp. We wrinkle.

Maybe my anger comes from having to admit that I am just a normal person. I have no super powers that protect me from growing old. I hate to admit that I am vulnerable. And may one day need help just to get through my day. I hope that doesn't happen. I hope I will be able to take care of myself as long as I am alive.

I am glad I live in a place where life is easier to manage. Now, I just need to forgive myself for falling down and getting another cold. It is okay to be vulnerable!