Morning Thoughts

It is the hottest time of the year here. I venture out in the mornings sometimes for food but then come right back home to sit in my house. I also have a sore throat. I don't want to get too close to anyone. But this morning I walked to Salvador's with Chico and had a small breakfast. It was crowded inside. I think because today is a national holiday. Mexican Labor Day.  After breakfast, I wasn't feeling well enough to go anywhere else but to the grocery store and then back home. I took these photos at Salvador's.

 

Not many people were out on the patio. Maybe because it was already getting too hot out there. You can see how the sun is glaring onto people sitting there. 

 

I asked permission and quickly took this photo of the woman with a baby. It wasn't her baby because the mother was standing there. Maybe she is the grandma. There is a hint of a smile on the baby's face.  Welcome here little one......

I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about Stacey. I have called old friends and relatives back in the United States and here because her death brought to the forefront of my mind about how briefly we are here. And we never know when it is our day to leave. Since I almost died  a few months ago, I do not fear death. It was so peaceful as I felt myself floating out the window. I guess what I fear is that I didn't do enough for my loved ones while I was here. 

Years ago I gave up on doing anything special, like writing a best selling novel (That was my main dream)  or winning some kind of awards, or becoming wealthy or super athletic or famous in any way. I just accept being a simple person living from day to day, doing whatever is necessary to survive. And being kind to my friends and family and anyone else who comes into my life. When I am not kind, I suffer a long time in my mind. I think of my unkindness many times. So one thing I need to do is to be more forgiving of myself for being human and having flaws and being unkind at times. 

Having a blog has brought me many friends but also heartache. I never know who will contact me and some people unfortunately are users. And I have been used a lot. So that makes me less open to meeting new people. Stacey's death also has made me think of the arguments I have had with friends and the breakups that happened because of those arguments. But we can't change the past. We can only look to the future. Above is a new life coming into this old world.

 I want to try to be more trusting but sometimes it is hard as we age.  Too much water under the bridge.  But it was a real gift for me this morning to see and photograph the new little girl. I didn't talk, just asked if I could take the picture and moved on. I didn't want to make anyone sick.   So life goes on.

I was thinking this morning that since I have moved here, about nine or ten years ago, four of my women friends have passed away and three men. No matter where we go, death will be there, waiting for us when it is our time.   The guilt I feel is because of not doing enough with my days, or not loving my friends and family enough. For wasting time doing nothing at all.  I will try harder. To be a better person and a better friend.   And to be more forgiving of myself when I am fail at that.