Morning Thoughts

I woke up this morning feeling depressed. Sometimes when bad things happen in my life, I spin out of control and go into a depression that lasts for several days. I know other people who act just the opposite. They go out in public and socialize. For me, I just stay home and clean my house..

 I cleaned out all my drawers and trimmed all the plants in my garden, mopped my floors, and did all the other chores that I always put off. It calms me to do these things, keeps my mind thinking of other things instead of what is depressing me and it is a win win situation. The next day, all my chores are done and my house looks beautiful and clean. And I feel better about myself because I did something constructive. And most of the time I barely noticed that I was working. I just cleaned to keep busy and not think.

I remember a friend of mine telling me that his friends in the United States always wrote to him asking about all the parties they thought  he was going to and how they envied him.  And then he said to me, "They don't realize that I am just living my life, as I did up there. I have to grocery shop, clean house, take care of my car. But my friends think that it is all just one big party here."

We live our lives as we always did, just in a different place. Sure, it is much prettier here. And life is slower and easier for us North Americans who now are getting 20 pesos to one dollar. But we still have to deal with the problems of daily living. I show you many beautiful photos of life here but I do not show you the poverty and sad faces of people who are struggling to survive. And I usually don't share with you all of the daily problems I have to solve.  

 I fear for what is going to happen to Mexico now that Trump is the president. Overnight the peso lost value and I am guessing it will lose even more as time goes on.

He has made some very frightening promises about what he will do if he becomes president. I was shocked this morning when I saw that he had won. We will have to wait and see if he actually puts those terrible promises into place. A WALL? That the Mexicans have to pay for?  I won't go into all the insane things he has said. You all have heard them by now.

But back to my depression. After seeing that Trump won the election, my depression went into overdrive.  But all I can do is continue living my life to the best of my abilities. If friends betray me, then it is their karma, not mine..... I must learn not to take things so personally. I have many online friends whom I often neglect.  But during times when I was desperate for help, it was there from friends and readers. And some of you have been writing to me for years.  I thank you for that.......  

Maybe going to the market with Chico will lift my spirit again. It was hard for me to admit that I sometimes get depressed. Often people see that as a fault, something to be judged.... But it is something I have had to deal with all of my life.....  If someone betrays me, I personally take it on instead of letting it go....  I obsess about it for days and sometimes weeks or months... I never learned how to let those things go.   Maybe I never grew up. I still think that life should be fair, even though I KNOW that is not true. Life ISN'T fair.... Adults know that. Children still believe that it might be fair if they try hard enough and do the right things.....