Family Relationships and Maintaining a Sense of Self

I am still in Portland, staying with my family. My 94 year old ex-mother-in-law is still here demanding and needing 24 hour one-to-one care. We haven't been able to get a passport for her so she could live down the street from me in a nursing home. My ex-husband is running himself ragged, taking care of her.

I have been enjoying being a part of a family again. I have been living alone since my mother passed away four years ago. I love the evening meals with everyone together. There is my 94 year old ex-mother-in-law, my son and his wife, my ex-husband, and a friend of my son's. This man went to high school with my son. He lives in the house too. It is such a huge place that we can all live together and still have privacy.

Yesterday I went to the local farmer's market. I was stunned at the high prices.... I am used to the Wednesday market in Mexico. I can buy all the fresh fruits and veggies I want plus chicken for around twenty dollars and it will last me a week. A very small watermelon in the market here was three dollars. I decided to pass on the fresh fruits until I get back to Mexico again.

I am so busy here that I haven't had time to write on the blog. I try to clean as much as I can to make it easier for everyone. A 94 year old woman takes a lot of work! I hope I don't live that long. One good thing, she has brought the family together. When she is happy, she is a blessing but most of the time she is complaining about something that isn't right. She thinks we are stealing from her or we don't love her or pay her enough attention. (She is getting constant attention.) Being around her makes me think of my own life more. What do I value? How am I progressing along my own life path? Am I putting too much energy into unimportant things and missing the big picture? I don't want to be like my 94 year old ex-mother-in-law, overlooking all the love and caring that is bestowed on her and focusing on the negatives, the details that mean nothing.....

I see that people don't change much as we age. We just become more of what we have always been. It takes tremendous effort to change our negative characteristics. Mostly, we don't even see them in ourselves. One thing about living with others, those flaws get quickly reflected back to us. It is a growth opportunity if we can see it as such and not take offense.

It has been a very interesting experience for me to be here these weeks. Now I am getting ready to return to my singular life again in Mexico--where I can afford to live. Hopefully I can get a ticket for Sept. the 5th. I will miss my family but my son and daughter-in-law will be down to visit me in December. It is a balancing act, moving back and forth between being a part of a family group and having a single life. It is easy to neglect my own life and needs and priorities when I am living with others, especially when it is with my family because I love them so much. I want to give them as much love as I can but not lose myself in that process. It is tricky business, maintaining that balance. One thing that has been neglected is my blog. I have a lot to learn about living with others and remaining true to myself too.