My New Home

I spent seven days sitting by my front door, waiting for the man to show up to connect me to the Internet. He came yesterday. Now I am free again. I am going to put some photos on of my new home. I still don't know how to use this program so I can't write next to the photos. I will put them on in order of coming in the front door. I made a bedroom out of my living room so I will have a place for my friends when they visit. The second room is my kitchen and last is my other bedroom. It has a bathroom and opens out into my little garden. The first bedroom has a half bath. This is all my furniture. Chico and Olive are happy here. I am too. 

Morning Thoughts---Moving

I am moving tomorrow. I hope to get it all done in one day but I have accumulated a lot of stuff in eight years. I came down with two suitcases. Now I have three rooms full of furniture and boxes and boxes of things. Useless things but still........ Being surrounded by these useless things helps me to feel secure. Sameness in the midst of constant change. I know it is a shallow security but it helps me to maintain from day to day. Until I have to move!  Then it all becomes a burden.

I only slept two hours last night. Tossing and turning. Thinking about having to take all this furniture and boxes down with ropes from the upstairs decks. They came up that way because there is a very narrow turn in the stairs and nothing large will fit through. I fell down that turn a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully my knee will heal with time. It is much better today. I have to not do too much in this move. That is hard for me. I always want to get in there and help.

I woke up this morning being very angry at the maid who talked my landlord into getting rid of me and the morning maid. We have been with him for eight years. She even got paid to do all that talking. But I know that being angry at her is just hurting me. She did what she had to do to survive. She has an entire family dependent on her. This is her way out. Her thoughts do not include how she has disrupted our lives. But anger isn't a rational emotion. It just comes, like a tidal wave. And then it goes.

I am guessing that I will be much happier living alone in my own place. And with a kitchen. It is hard to imagine having a kitchen after eight years of washing dishes in my tiny bathroom sinks. And my own garden just outside of my bedroom. And only one block to the bus. No more trudging up this hill. And Chico will be able to take walks with me again because it is closer for me to come and go.

So I need to just get on with the huge task at hand and forget about my emotions or else I will have yet another sleepless night ahead. Thank you all for your encouragement.

Morning Thoughts---Plane Going Down

I am limping along here, waiting for my new place to be ready so I can move. In the meantime, I have a room piled high with boxes, ready to be filled up. That is my goal for the next three days, get everything packed that I don't use everyday.

I am looking forward to having privacy. My own little patio. And being able to walk one block to my favorite shopping center, Bugambilla Plaza. And having a real kitchen after all these years of washing my dishes in the bathroom sink and carrying things back and forth.

Of course I have concerns, like not enough light in the rooms and if Chico will bark his head off and bother the landlady. She will be living above me. And if it will be cold inside in the winter. I am trying to hold off my fears and concerns and just focus on the relief of being out of this very uncomfortable and toxic environment. The new maid and her family are taking over. It has become too noisy and my privacy, what privacy I had, is gone. I am moving as soon as the other place is ready.

For many months here I have watched my landlord going downhill mentally and physically. I had thought about moving out but then I decided against leaving him. I have been living near him for at least eight, maybe nine years. We have been through a lot together and I had thought that there was respect and  concern for each other´s well being. I felt too guilty for thinking of abandoning him. I was willing to stay till the end...... My end or his end.

I had seen this as my home in every sense of that word because of the warmth and caring I had thought was between us. Now I just see rooms. Rooms filled with junk to pack and move. All sense of this being my home is gone.  Home is where you feel loved and where you love. It is not here anymore.  It most likely never was coming from my landlord, given that he so easily threw me out of his life. It was all illusion on my side. I will not be so trusting in the future.

So this eviction is a blessing for me. I will not have to watch him getting worse. I will not have to deal with any problems if he passed away and I was living by him. I will not have to deal with guilt for abandoning him. He abandoned me......

So, what do we owe other people?  One thought that comes to my mind is the lecture we are given when we are on airplanes about what to do if the plane goes down. They say, You have to put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF FIRST, and then the child or person sitting next to you. You can´t save anyone else if you don't save yourself!

Not that my landlord's plane is going down. Okay, it might when his new living situation takes affect. But I will be free, living my own life. (I won´t have to watch it crash and burn.)

 After all these years, he finally gave me Chico. Another blessing..... Thank you all for your loving support and suggestions. You have no idea of how much that meant to me.

Morning Thoughts Chaos

It is chaotic here now. My landlord fired his loving and reliable long time maid yesterday. She came up here crying and I felt so sad for her . She has been working for him for seven years, seven days a week. No paid vacation. No  paid sick days. No paid days off. She knows that she could see an attorney but she said she felt too much loyalty to him. This is what loyalty got her. I hope she will reconsider. She needs work . Let me know if you need help. The other helper and her family are moving into my area as soon as I leave. I am just hanging out, hoping my knee will heal before I make this move. Life is interesting. And unfair. And sad. 

Morning Thoughts

My life has turned around. Before I write anything else, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of offers of everything; love, good wishes, storage, housing, help moving.....  I am amazed. I had no idea that people cared so much. I spend most of my time alone and this was a surprise. Thank you all. 

Next, I have a typical Mexican apartment now which I can move into as soon as the owners move into the one upstairs. It is just one block from my favorite shopping center, El Torito, Salvadoes and the theater. It has three large rooms. Finally a kitchen after eight years. And a small private patio and garden that opens up from the back bedroom. Chico and Olive will be safe there. I do not have to give them up!  

It is also unfurnished so I can keep mine and there is room for all my things. The rent is only 2500 pesos a month. Now I really feel blessed.